


this house no longer feels like home

by hilourry



Category: One Direction
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Fingering, Happy Ending, Kid Fic, M/M, Past Mpreg, Rimming, bottom!Louis, lots of fighting and emotions, v emotional sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-10
Updated: 2014-06-10
Packaged: 2018-02-04 02:20:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1762775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hilourry/pseuds/hilourry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry and Louis have been together for 20 years. Harry cheats. Louis cries. Harry is given a year to fix their marriage.</p>
            </blockquote>





	this house no longer feels like home

**Author's Note:**

> i've been working on this for over 6 months i'm so glad i'm done with it. this is the longest fic i've ever written and i really hope you all enjoy it. the summary is horrendous i apologize deeply. please know that just because i wrote this does not mean that i condone anything harry did. also remember that harry and louis were married for 20 years with 5 kids, and that's why louis was willing to fight for it. please understand this is not just a fling, they had a lot at stake. thank you.

__  
I break if you do  
but I will use my pieces  
to fix you again  
-Tyler Knott Gregson 

_“Daddy, can you tell us how you met Papa before bed?” Sophia asks, her bottom lip jutting out._

_“Again?” Louis laughs, sitting the six year old on his lap. Lucas, his eight year old, sits next to them on the couch, and his one-year-old daughter Gabriella is already sleeping upstairs._

_“It’s a good story!” Lucas insists, curling into Louis’ arm._

_“Okay, okay, only because I like this story,” Louis smiles. “Papa and I met during university. He was in my English class and on the first day he sat next to me. He made silly faces at me and made stupid jokes to try to make me laugh. He took me out to dinner, well, the place only served breakfast, so we ordered pancakes. Papa has always been like that, wanting to be different. You know how silly he can be.” The kids laugh at that, knowing exactly what Harry is like. “But those pancakes were the best pancakes I’ve ever had. After that, he dropped me off at my dorm and kissed me goodnight. And that’s it, we fell in love, and we got married, and now we have you lovely kids.”_

_Louis kisses them both on the forehead, making them smile._

_“You and Papa really love each other a lot,” Sophia giggles, and Louis grins._

_“Yeah, we always will. C’mon, loves, bedtime.”_

_Truth was, that's not how they met, exactly. There was a bar and there were drinks and there were drunk kisses, but the pancake house the next night was true, and the falling in love part was more than true. The kids don’t need to know all the details quite yet._

Louis stares out the window, his knees to his chest and a blanket over his shoulders. It’s started to snow lightly, and Harry isn’t home yet. He sighs, glancing at the clock: 12:07 in the morning. Harry’s shift was supposed to be over at 11.

Louis knew this would be difficult when Harry told him back in uni he was planning to be become a doctor. Louis was okay with it, because he would be saving lives and making good money and doing what he loved. But sometimes, it gets lonely.

_“Daddy, why isn’t Papa home yet?” Lucas asks quietly while Louis tucks him in. Louis smiles softly, pushing Lucas’ hair back._

_“Well, Papa is kind of like superman,” Louis tells him._

_“What?!” Lucas exclaims, his eyes wide and bright._

_“Yup. Papa goes out and saves lives every day, that’s why he can’t be at home as much. But he always comes back home, and he’ll always be our hero.”_

Lucas was only four at the time, but Louis used that explanation for all of his kids, even now that Lucas was 15. Harry has always been superman, and Louis knows he’ll be home soon; he has to be. 

“Babe?” Harry calls softly into the room, closing the door behind him. Louis looks up quickly, sighing in relief.

“Hi,” Louis answers quietly. “You’re home late.”

“I know, I’m sorry. Patient died on me today,” Harry says nonchalantly, and that scares Louis so much. Harry’s gotten so used to watching people die he’s becoming desensitized to it. 

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“He was terminal. We knew it was coming,” Harry shrugs, tossing off his shirt and kissing Louis quickly. “Gonna go shower. You look tired, so don’t wait up for me, okay?”

“Oh, alright,” Louis smiles weakly. “Goodnight, then, I guess. I’ll talk to you in the morning.”

“I have an early day tomorrow, love. Give the kids a kiss for me in the morning. I’ll try to be home for dinner,” Harry murmurs, kissing Louis again. “Goodnight.”

Louis watches Harry walk into the bathroom and bites his lip, forcing himself not to cry. He drags his body into bed, curling into the sheets and shutting his eyes. Superman is just busy, Louis tells himself, he’s got lives to save, but he always comes back home.

_“Dr. Styles? I brought you a coffee,” Nathan smiles, walking into Harry’s small office. Harry looks up at the male nurse, smiling gratefully._

_“Thanks, I needed this,” Harry hums, taking the paper cup and sipping from it._

_“You look exhausted, Dr. Styles,” Nathan notes, walking around his desk and rubbing his shoulders and Harry freezes. Nathan just started a few weeks ago and he’s been following Harry around, sparking up conversations and bringing him whatever he can. Harry just assumes he’s been looking for a raise or a good rep._

_“Um, kind of. It was a long night with my newborn,” Harry admits, trying to move out of Nathan’s grip._

_“Newborn? You’re married?” Nathan asks, shocked. Harry holds up his left hand sheepishly, showing off the gold band._

_“Yeah. We’ve been together for almost 20 years,” Harry says._

_“Oh, she’s a very lucky woman,” Nathan says softly, running his thumbs over Harry’s shoulder blades._

_“Um, man. Louis is my husband,” Harry coughs awkwardly._

_“Oh, Dr. Styles. I had no idea you swung that way,” Nathan smiles. “I guess he hasn’t been treating you well, then?”_

_“No, no, Louis is great. But we have five kids and he just gave birth a few weeks ago so he’s been tired. It’s stressful at home right now, but he’s doing a great job,” Harry insists._

_“Dr. Styles, can I ask you a personal question?” Nathan asks, bending close to Harry’s ear._

_“Erm, I suppose.”_

_“When’s the last time your husband Louis made love to you?” Nathan whispers in his ear. Harry bites his lip, holding his breath._

_“Um, a few weeks ago, I think, maybe a couple of months,” he swallows._

_“Mm? When’s the last time you bottomed, though? Got fucked good?” Nathan murmurs, pressing a kiss onto Harry’s neck._

_“Nathan, I told you I’m married,” Harry says weakly._

_“I won’t tell him if you don’t.”_

That’s how it started, and now it’s been almost a whole year. A whole year of sleeping with Nathan behinds Louis’ back, coming home late, and making sure his husband didn’t find out. Harry felt awful, of course, but Nathan was different and new and fresh. 

_“Papa, why do you have so many tattoos?” Sophia asks while building a sandcastle on the beach. Harry’s sits across from her in just his swim shorts. He smiles over his shoulder, looking at his husband playing with Lucas and Gabriella. Gabriella is on Louis’ hip, giggling while Lucas makes funny faces at her. Even at only 9 years old, Lucas is great with his younger sister, even though Gabriella has been a tough 3 year old._

_“Because I like them, and they all mean something to me,” says Harry, helping shape the castle._

_“Like what?”_

_“Like…these birds on my chest are Daddy and I. That’s why this one is a little bit smaller, just like Daddy,” Harry smiles fondly, pointing to the swallow on his right side._

_“What about the sail boat?” she asks curiously._

_“Oh, whenever I’m far away from you guys, this boat reminds me of home, like this is my way of getting there,” he explains. “Some of them I just really like, so I got them.”_

_“Why doesn’t Daddy have any?”_

_“Daddy doesn’t like tattoos,” Harry shrugs._

_“But Daddy likes you,” she says simply and Harry laughs._

_“Yeah, he does. He likes how they look on me but doesn’t want to get any himself.”_

_The truth is, Louis has a tiny one on his inner thigh that says H &L, something he got when he had too much to drink. Harry loves it though, so much, and spends extra time kissing it. It’s always been one of his favorite spots to kiss Louis. _

Louis doesn’t sleep much lately, but with five kids, he definitely needs plenty of sleep. It’s hard when his bed feels like it’s occupied by a stranger or someone who’s thousands of miles away. 

The first time he really suspects Harry is cheating on him is that night. Harry gets into bed with wet hair and bare skin and there’s a very faint love bite on his collarbone; one Louis knows he didn’t leave. Louis isn’t sure the last time they’ve fooled around, when he thinks about it, and he suddenly feels nauseous. No, Harry wouldn’t cheat: he loves Louis. Maybe Harry splattered oil on him while cooking dinner last night and it’s a burn mark, it’s not a love bite, because Harry isn’t cheating. 

_“Where is Harry? I’m starving,” Liam whines, picking at a piece of bread._

_“He had a surgery to perform today, I think a woman with breast cancer. He should be here soon,” Louis says, fingering his wine glass._

_“Maybe you should call him and find out where he is?” Zayn suggests. “It shouldn’t take this long.”_

_“Yeah, I’ll call him,” Louis says, standing up. “I’ll be right back.”_

_He walks outside into the crisp September air and dials Harry’s number. After five rings, Harry finally picks up sounding out of breath and panicked. “Hello?”_

_“Harry? Where are you?” Louis asks, rubbing his bicep._

_“Shit, tonight is date night, innit?” Harry asks, sighing._

_“Every Friday,” Louis says softly. “You forgot?”_

_“Yeah, ‘m sorry, babe. I’ll be over now, I just got caught up over here,” Harry apologizes and Louis can here shuffling in the background._

_“No, no, that’s okay. I think I’m going to head home, not in the mood for a date night right now anyway,” Louis says, closing his eyes and ignoring the tightness in his throat._

_“Lou, it’s okay, I’ll be there in a few,” Harry says._

_“Don’t worry about it. I’ll see you at home,” Louis murmurs._

_“Alright, love you,” Harry says and hangs up._

_“Love you, too,” Louis whispers to no one. He pockets his phone and lets out a small whimper, wiping his wet eyes and going back inside. Liam and Zayn look up and their eyes soften._

_“What did he say?” Zayn asks._

_“He forgot, got caught up at work. I think I’m just going to head home, let me mum go home early and watch some telly with the baby,” Louis says, grabbing his jacket._

_“Louis, just stay and have dinner with us,” Liam says._

_“I’m not really that hungry. ‘s been a long week, anyway. I’ll see you two soon, yeah?”_

_“Alright, goodnight,” Zayn says hesitantly._

_“Night.”_

Louis sighs and turns away from him, not wanting to think about it anymore. He wants it to go away for right now. He shuts his eyes tight and eventually falls into a restless sleep.  
~  
_“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight” – Phyllis Diller_

The second time Louis gets suspicious is when he hears Harry in the bathroom having a hushed conversation on his cell phone.

“I can’t talk right now, but I’ll see you in the morning, okay? We’ll meet at Starbucks. Okay, yeah, goodnight,” Harry says softly, his voice sounding too fond. When he comes back into the bedroom, Louis is on his bed with his laptop, his glasses perched on his nose.

“So, who was that?” Louis asks, a bit bitterly.

“Oh, just a friend from work. We’re meeting up for breakfast,” Harry shrugs, sitting on the bed next to Louis and rubbing his back. 

“What?” Louis asks, turning his head to face his husband. “You have enough time to eat breakfast on a Saturday and you’re not eating with your family? I don’t even think the kids know what you look like anymore.”

“Don’t over exaggerate, Lou,” Harry rolls his eyes. “I’m just meeting up with a friend.”

“What about your fucking family, Harry?!” Louis almost screams. “I think we deserve the attention.”

“I’m doing this for you guys!” Harry shouts, angry. “I’m supporting all of you. Not like you work.”

“What?” Louis almost whispers. “I can’t believe you said that. We have five kids and you always told me you wanted me to stay home with them so we wouldn’t have to leave them with strangers. I had dreams too, Harry. I went to university, I have a degree, I wanted a lot, but when I got pregnant with Lucas and found out you were really going through with becoming a doctor, I forgot about those dreams for our family. But now? Now you’re picking a career over all of us. Finances are not an issue and you damn well know it. You’re unbelievable.”

He gets off the bed and leaves the room quickly. He ends up on his knees in front of the toilet, throwing up his dinner. Stress tends to do this to him now. His stomach churns in agony whenever he gets upset and it always ends up pouring its contents out.

“Daddy?” Gabriella asks softly and tentatively. Louis coughs, looking at the door with watery eyes, his throat burning.

“What’s wrong, sweetie? Why aren’t you asleep?” Louis asks with a ragged voice.

“I heard you and Papa yelling,” she sniffs as though she’s been crying. 

“Oh, no, sweetie, everything is okay. We just had a little fight,” Louis says, standing up on shaky legs and rinsing his mouth out. 

“Do you and Papa still love each other?” she asks softly.

“Of course we do. It was just a fight, baby,” Louis answers softly, sitting on the floor and pulling her into a tight hug. “We’ll always love each other.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

Louis kisses her forehead and stands up, picking her up and bringing her to the kitchen to make them warm milk with honey, his signature drink for nighttime sadness. He carries her back up to bed after they’ve each had their milk, tucking her in and giving her tons of little kisses, just to show her how much he loves her. 

After, he trudges up to the spare bedroom and buries his face into the pillow and letting out a few ugly sobs, pretending everything is okay, that Harry’s just going through stuff and everything will be okay.  
~  
_”Silence is a source of great strength”- Lao Tzu_

Everything isn’t okay. He knows it’s not. They’re driving back from dropping the kids off at school, something they always do together when Harry has the time. It’s too much of a hassle for one parent to deal with dropping off five kids, so they do it together when they can, and then drop off the baby at Louis’ mum’s house so they can get errands done alone for once. 

It’s quiet and the silence is tense. The only noise is the radio playing. Harry’s hands are tightly gripping the wheel and Louis’ hands are gripping his thighs. They used to touch, always; even in the car they’d hold hands. Louis can’t recall the last time they even brushed arms. 

_Before He Cheats_ by Carrie Underwood comes on the radio and Louis looks at Harry from the corner of his eye. He leans forward and turns up the volume.

“Love this song,” Louis says. “I would do the same exact thing if you cheated on me.”

Harry tries to laugh like it’s a joke, but it’s so tense and uncomfortable. Louis knows why, but he doesn’t comment on it, just starts singing loudly.

_I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up four-wheel drive_  
Carved my name into his leather seats  
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights, slashed a hole in all four tires  
Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats 

Harry stays silent, his knuckles going white from how tightly he’s gripping the steering wheel. “What, you don’t like this song? It’s one of my favorites,” Louis says.

“Not really a fan,” Harry shrugs.

“Wonder why,” Louis mumbles.

“Let’s just-Christ, change the station,” Harry growls. 

“You’re getting pretty worked up over a silly song,” Louis notes.

“Fucking hell, Louis. I just don’t like the song, alright? Stop trying to pick fights all of the time!” Harry shouts, slamming the inside of his hand on the steering wheel and changes the station quickly. Louis watches him carefully, taking a deep breath.

“Take me home.”

“We have things to do,” Harry says.

“I’ll do it by myself. I don’t feel like putting up with a sixth child,” Louis says. Harry huffs in annoyance, shaking his head.

“Fine, go alone. I don’t care.”

“I know you don’t,” Louis says quietly, looking out the window. It’s silent for a few minutes, but their wedding song comes on the radio; of course it does. Harry is taken back to that day, how good Louis looked in his suspenders; how they danced together with everyone they loved around them but they barely knew they were there. They were so wrapped up in each other, they always were. 

_Drowning_ by the Backstreet Boys plays. Everyone laughed at the choice, but when they heard the lyrics, they kind of got it. When Louis and Harry were first dating back in uni, they both shared a love of boybands, no matter what kind of shit people talked about them. Harry liked *Nsync and Louis liked the Backstreet Boys, but this was a song they both agreed was beautiful. One night after they had sex and listened to their ‘after sex’ playlist, courtesy of Harry, the song started playing. Louis giggled into his chest when Harry started singing it in his ear. When it finished, Louis whispered ‘when we get married, that’s our song’ and Harry kissed him.

Louis’ eyes fill with tears, balling his hands into fists. He wishes they could go back to that, just for a little while, back to when they started. Maybe then he could change the outcome of their marriage, maybe do something differently so Harry wouldn’t feel obligated to cheat. Maybe it was Louis’ fault, maybe he drove him to cheat. 

Harry sighs, reaching his hand over and squeezing Louis’ thigh.

“I’m sorry I yelled,” Harry says quietly. “I don’t want you to go alone. I’ll be good.”

“Okay,” Louis sniffs. And that’s it.  
~  
_”Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret” – Ambrose Bierce_

Louis can feel it, Harry is cheating on him and there’s no fixing it. It’s not even a question anymore, it’s a fact. It’s like the motherly instinct he has with the kids, except it’s with his husband; it’s like husbandly instincts or something. Either way, Louis knows it. He doesn’t know with who, until New Year’s Eve.

Harry comes home from work with a man; an attractive man, probably younger than Louis. All the kids are home and Liam, Niall, and Zayn are all over with their own families and kids as well. It’s always been a tradition for them. And now Harry is bringing in strangers.

“Hey, sorry I’m late,” Harry greets. “This is Nate, he works with me.”

“You’re a doctor, then?” Louis asks, bouncing Joshua in his arms.

“Um, no, just a nurse,” Nate gives a crooked smile. 

“What is he doing here, Harry? You didn’t tell me you were bringing a friend,” Louis says tightly, the word ‘friend’ slipping out harshly. 

“It’s snowing really bad and it’s supposed to get worse. Nate had a flight back to New York, where he’s from, but it was cancelled. I told him he could stay with us,” Harry shrugs. “Catch a flight in the morning.”

“Next time can you call me, at least? I spent the whole day cooking and I’m not even sure if there’s enough food,” Louis says.

“You’re being very rude, Louis. We have a guest,” Harry says.

“Don’t start right now, Harry,” Louis says between his teeth when he sees Jake walk into the room.

“Daddy, I’m hungry,” Jake pouts. 

“Alright, honey. Dinner is almost ready. Here, I’ll get you a snack, yeah?” Louis says, walking into the kitchen and away from his husband.

“He’s great,” Nate says sarcastically. “Can totally see why you’re married to him.”

“Don’t start, Nate,” Harry sighs. “Please. I just want to try to have a good new year.”

“Fine,” Nate says, crossing his arms. They go into the living room, filled with tons of people. Liam and Zayn have three kids of their own and Niall and his wife Amy have two. 

“Louis still in the kitchen?” Harry asks, sitting down next to Gabriella and putting her on his lap, kissing her forehead.

“Yeah, he’s been busy the whole time. Is he alright? He’s been a bit off lately, won’t tell us what’s wrong,” Liam says, his arm around Zayn and their three year old daughter on his lap.

“I don’t know,” Harry shrugs. “Been moody lately.”

“Don’t tell me he’s pregnant again,” Zayn says quickly. Harry laughs sarcastically.

“No, trust me, that’s not possible.”

“You haven’t…?” Liam asks, trailing off for the sake of the kids.

“Not since before Joshua was born,” Harry shrugs. “Doesn’t bother me much.”

“It’s been over a year? That’s why he’s moody!” Niall shouts.

“Who’s moody?” Louis asks, walking in with Joshua on his hip and Jake’s hand in his.

“No one,” Zayn says quickly, glaring at Harry. If he could, he’d hit him right now. Harry has been the moody one, honestly, and everyone can see it. Louis is burnt out running around with five kids with minimal help from his doctor of a husband. Louis doesn’t get enough credit it for it, honestly, and Harry doesn’t respect him enough sometimes.

“The food is delicious, Dad,” Lucas says. Louis smiles at him because he really did raise his kids right. He loved them so fucking much it hurt and they loved him right back.

“Sophia and Gabby actually helped me a lot, didn’t you, babes?” Louis says, grinning.

“Yup,” Gabby says confidently. 

“Food is delicious, girls, you did a great job,” Harry compliments. Louis bites his lip because of course he won’t say it to Louis, not with his little boyfriend here. His kids are fantastic, he just wishes he could say the same thing for his husband.

“You all did great,” Zayn pipes up. “Everything is amazing, Lou, really. We could have gone out instead.”

“No, shut up,” Louis grins. “I love doing this and being around my family.”

“Can I try that?” Nathan asks Harry quietly, pointing to a freshly made biscuit, something Louis is famous for.

“Yeah,” Harry says, his eyes sparkling and fond, feeding him a bite. He has the nerve to do it in front of everyone.

“Excuse me,” Louis says quietly, handing Joshua to Liam and running out of the room. He locks the door of the bathroom and gets on his knees, vomiting into the toilet. His stomach is twisting uncomfortably again, weighing too heavy in his belly. A few minutes later, there’s a knock at the door.

“Louis?” Zayn asks softly. “Are you alright?”

Louis doesn’t answer, just stares inside of the toilet. Harry didn’t get him, didn’t run after him. He’s feeding his new boyfriend. He stands up slowly, trying not to fall right back over. He rinses out his mouth and opens the door to see his best friend standing there with open arms. Zayn pulls him in for a hug and Louis starts to cry.

“Harry is cheating on me,” Louis sobs into his chest.

“What?” Zayn asks.

“That guy. That’s him, I know it’s him,” Louis whimpers.

“Is everything alright?” Liam asks, walking over to them. 

“Louis thinks Harry is cheating on him,” Zayn says softly. 

“I’ll kick his ass,” Liam says angrily. “How can he do that?”

“I don’t know,” Louis shrugs. “We haven’t been happy in so long. He’s never home, it’s just the kids and me and he’s always finding excuses to be anywhere but here. I keep finding love bites on him that I know I didn’t leave and…and now he’s over there looking at that stupid nurse the way he used to look at me and my marriage is ruined.”

Louis is sobbing, his chest heaving. Liam and Zayn both hold him, rubbing his back and shushing him quietly. Harry never shows. Joshua starts to cry, and Louis is usually the only one who can calm him down. He barely knows Harry since he’s never home and when he is, he’s sleeping.

“I have to go get him. He needs to be fed,” Louis sniffs, wiping his eyes.

“Alright,” Liam says quietly, fixing his hair a little. “C’mon, we’ll talk about this later. For now let’s just try to enjoy, yeah?”

They walk downstairs and Louis takes Joshua from Harry. “He’s just hungry.”

“You got it?” Harry asks. 

“Yeah,” Louis mumbles, walking out of the room and trying not to cry again. God forbid Harry do it for once. One look at Joshua’s smiling face though makes it a little more bearable. It’s so easy to pull smiles from his happy baby who loves Louis so much. At least someone does.

“Why are you making Louis do everything?” Liam asks, obviously angry. 

“I’m not,” Harry spits back. “I just had a long day at work.”

“Just because he doesn’t get paid doesn’t mean it’s not a job. He takes care of five kids every single day and you don’t even help him. He’s raising them alone, practically,” Zayn says. Lucas stands up and walks towards the kitchen because he’s sick of the fighting, he’s sick of his fucked up family.

“Dad?” he says, sitting down at the kitchen table with Louis and Joshua. 

“Yeah, honey?” Louis asks, making a face at Joshua and giving him another small spoonful of pasta. 

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay, sweetie. Don’t worry about me,” Louis says, trying to smile.

“I know you’re lying,” Lucas says with a sigh. 

“Luke,” Louis says softly. “Things aren’t the best right now, I won’t lie, but we’re going to get through it as a family.”

“How can we if Pop is never home?” he asks. Louis swallows hard, looking back at the baby.

“Papa’s just been busy,” Louis says quietly. 

“Dad, please, I’m 15. I know nothing is okay right now and I want it to go back to the way it was. You’re never happy and we never see Pop anymore and…I know how hard you’re trying but it scares me. You don’t have time to care for yourself and you deserve to,” Lucas says, his voice wavering. Louis feels his chest tightening.

“I’m sorry,” Louis whispers. “I’m sorry you have to deal with this. But I’m going to figure it out, okay? I promise, we’re going to get through this. I love you very much, Luke, I love all of you and I’m so proud of you.”

“I love you, Dad,” Luke says, his eyes wet.

“Come here,” Louis sniffs. Luke stands up and walks towards him, pulling him into a big hug.

“I’m always going to love you, Dad. You’re the best dad in the world, I mean it,” Luke says. Louis can’t answer, his throat feeling raspy. He kisses his forehead and pushes his hair back. He looks too much like Harry, his green eyes bright, his pouty lips. Louis only shows in his straight, light hair. 

“Go back inside with everyone, okay, honey? I’ll be there in a little while, let me finish feeding Josh.”

“I can feed him,” Lucas offers.

“You don’t have to, baby. That’s okay,” Louis says. 

“No, Dad, you should go have fun. You always do it. Go enjoy,” Lucas says, taking the bowl and spoon away from his father. Louis almost cries again.

“Thank you,” Louis says softly, kissing his cheek. “And stop growing, you’re taller than me. No more vegetables, yeah?”

Lucas laughs, taking Louis place at the table. “Got it.”

Louis walks back into the living room and sits with Jake and Gabriella. 

“Done already?” Harry asks.

“No, Luke is feeding him for me,” Louis says proudly. 

The night goes by slowly and Louis can’t even look at Harry. He decides he’ll talk to him in the morning, away from all the kids. He knows this is hard for them, to watch their parents fight this much, and Louis thinks maybe they should look into therapy to get back to their old ways. He still loves him, of course he does, they just have to work on bringing a healthy relationship back. 

Lucas puts Joshua down for him and Louis is so fucking proud of his kids and how helpful they are. Unlike Harry, they see he needs help. 

Everyone is shouting down numbers, trying not to be too loud for the baby’s sake. When they all say happy New Year, they all turned to their loved ones for a kiss. Zayn and Liam, Niall and Amy, and when Louis turns to Harry, Nathan is already kissing him. 

“Oh my god,” Louis says. His heart drops into his stomach, his legs feel too weak to hold him up. Everyone watches them and Harry pulls away, completely shocked.

“I swear to god,” Liam growls, going to lunge for him. Louis holds him back, shaking his head.

“No,” he croaks. “If anyone is going to hit him, it’s going to be me. Kids, go to your rooms.”

Lucas and Sophia take the younger ones up along with the others, and Louis is breathing heavily, trying somewhat to calm his nerves. They wait until all the kids are cleared out, and then it’s silent for a long moment.

“You fucking bastard!” Louis screams, running for Harry and pounding on his chest. Harry doesn’t say anything in return, only let’s Louis hit him. He knows he deserves it. 

“After everything I’ve done for you! Five fucking kids isn’t enough?! Loving you even when you’re never there for me?! And you need to run and find another man?! Fuck you, Harry!” Louis is screaming and weeping all at once, slamming his fists into Harry’s chest. “I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!”

“Louis, c’mon, I think you need to sleep,” Niall says softly.

“No! I want him gone!” Louis screams brokenly.

“We can go back to my place,” Nathan says in a whisper, hoping only Harry hears.

“Are you fucking kidding me?! Are you going to sit there and be completely fine with the fact that you ruined a family?! You love this, don’t you? You’re sick! I want you gone, too! Take him for all I care, he’s a bastard! You two deserve each other!”

“Louis, the kids,” Zayn reminds gently and Louis goes soft. The kids will know something is wrong if only Daddy is around.

“Oh,” Louis whispers, wiping tears angrily from his face. “Okay. Your punishment is to stay and fix it. You’re not running out on these kids. I won’t allow that. No matter how strong my urge is to murder you in your fucking sleep.”

“I won’t run out. I didn’t want you to find out like this,” Harry whispers. “I’m sorry.”

Louis laughs bitterly and shakes his head. “Don’t you ever say that again. You aren’t sorry, you never will be. If you were sorry, you never would have done this. And how did you want me to find out, huh? Were you planning to throw a party to tell me about it? Maybe write me a cute little poem? How long has this been going on, anyway? Couple of weeks? Couple of months? Please, enlighten me.”

“Almost a year,” Harry chokes out. Louis swallows a breath and nods once.

“Right after Joshua was born. Good. I was here suffering with a newborn baby and a husband that wasn’t around while you were fucking another man. You’re not sorry, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I ever fell in love with someone so selfish.”

Louis walks away after that, storming up to his room and locking the door behind him.

“I think it’s about time you left,” Zayn says to Nathan. “You have no right to be here.”

“Harry? Are you coming with me?” Nathan asks, completely ignoring Zayn. Harry looks at him and shakes his head.

“No, no I’m not. I’m not ruining this any more than I already have. I’m sorry for wasting your time, but I love Louis. I have to fix my family,” Harry says softly, his voice straining.

“Well, good luck with that disaster. Don’t cry to me when he leaves you,” Nathan shrugs and walks out. 

“That was a step in the right direction, Harry,” Niall says. “But it’s going to take a lot more than that.”

“Yeah, I know,” Harry sniffs, wiping his wet eyes. “I’m going to go put the kids to bed and give Louis some time.”

“That’s a good idea,” Liam says. “We’ll leave you two alone. Don’t fuck up again, because I swear I’ll fuck you up.”

“Yeah, I know you will. I’m going to fix it, I promise. I want to stay here and I want my family to have me back,” Harry says. Everyone leaves after they grab their kids and Harry goes to Joshua to check on him. He’s still sleeping like that whole screaming match never even happened. Harry feels a tug on his heart because that’s just like Harry. Louis used to have to drag him out of bed every morning for classes, and when one of the kids would cry, Louis had to punch him somewhere to get him to wake up. _you could sleep through a hurricane, I swear_ Louis would always tell him fondly.

Harry leaves the door cracked and goes into Jake’s room. He’s crying on his bed while Lucas talks to him softly. Harry stays still and hidden behind the door to try to hear what he’s saying.

“Do Daddy and Papa hate each other?” Jake sniffs, hugging his stuffed tiger like a lifeline. 

“No, they don’t,” Lucas says softly. “You know how sometimes me and Sophia fight?” Jake nods and sniffs again. “It’s kind of like that. But we still love each other a lot.”

“But why did Papa kiss that man and not Daddy?” Jake asks like he’s been betrayed. Lucas stays quiet for a moment and then shakes his head.

“I don’t really know, buddy.”

“Is Papa going to have to leave?” Jake says sadly.

“No, I don’t think so. Papa still loves us though, and so does Daddy,” Lucas says.

“Are they going to keep yelling at each other?”

“I don’t know, Jake. C’mon, you have to get to sleep.”

“Okay,” Jake sighs. Lucas tucks him in and kisses his forehead and Harry feels like falling to his knees and crying. Lucas is already a better father at 15 years old than Harry has been in a while. He can’t bring himself to showing that he’s there, so he walks into Gabriella’s room to check on her. Gabriella is curled into bed already and Sophia is reading her a story. Sophia hasn’t wanted a story in a while, but he guesses all this fighting and screaming deserves something calming to get her to sleep. Harry is a coward, obviously, because he won’t go into that bedroom either. He goes to his own bedroom and finds the door is cracked slightly, for the kids, Harry guesses, and he just listens for any noise. He hears little heartbreaking sniffs and shuddering breaths. He wants to go in and wrap his arms around him and apologize, but Louis hates him, and Harry can’t figure how he could ever cheat on Louis. He sort of wants to throw himself down the stairs because he barely knows anything going on anymore and he’s ruining his entire family, not just his relationship with Louis.

He goes downstairs and cleans up the large mess from all the company they had over. It won’t win Louis over, but he thinks it’s a pretty good start, at least. Louis will be pleasantly surprised when he wakes up and finds everything in good shape. Once everything looks spotless, Harry lies on the couch and throws a blanket over his legs. He doesn’t think he deserves to sleep in the spare bedroom. He doesn’t deserve a nice bed, he doesn’t really deserve the couch, either, but. 

He stares up at the ceiling and waits for sleep to come over him, but it never does. He’s too anxious and guilty to even close his eyes for too long. He has thoughts about Louis coming downstairs and stabbing him in the chest, which is obviously not going to happen, or at least not with the kids still in the house, but he still worries over it. He wonders for a while if Louis still loves him or not. If the roles were switched, Harry would be ruined. He genuinely can’t think about what it would be like if Louis cheated on him, but he knows Louis would never do it, and he doesn’t know why he did such a stupid thing.

In the morning, the sun is barely cracking through the windows, but Harry can’t stand to lie there anymore, so he gets up and starts breakfast. He hasn’t made breakfast in months, and he’s sure the kids miss it. He always makes his famous chocolate chip pancakes with a little bit of nutella hidden inside and topped with strawberries and Louis always lets Harry take the reigns on it. It was the first thing Harry ever made for Louis, admittedly. 

He checks the clock after he gets the batter ready and it’s only 6, meaning they shouldn’t be up for a while. Harry is losing his mind, he’s sure of it, because he’s got nothing to do for at least another two hours. He can’t make them now, or else they’ll be cold, and then Louis and the kids will all be even more disappointed with Papa. 

He grabs his keys and goes to Tesco’s to pick up some food to make a light lunch and something big for dinner. He’s got the day off, anyway, so instead of lying and going to see Nathan, he’s going to spend it with his family and make things right, no matter how long it takes.

When he gets back to the house, it’s still quiet, so he puts all the food away. By the time it’s all said and done, it’s a bit past 7:30 and Joshua starts to cry. Harry rushes upstairs before Louis can wake up and comes into Joshua’s room.

“Hey, buddy,” Harry whispers, picking up the one year old and bouncing him. “Happy New Year, sweetheart. You must be hungry, huh? Let’s find you some breakfast.” His voice is soft and Joshua calms down, his head resting on his father’s shoulder and sniffling. When Harry walks out of the room, he sees Louis standing there with one of Harry’s university hoodies on and his eyes are red and puffy. He’s got the hood pulled over his messy hair and he’s staring at Harry and Joshua like a deer in headlights. 

“Hey, good morning. I was just making breakfast and heard him crying, so I got him. You can go back to bed for a little while if you want,” Harry says, his voice gentle. Louis watches him for a moment and looks at his baby, who looks calm in his arms. He doesn’t say anything, only kisses Joshua’s forehead once and turns to go back into his bedroom. Harry sighs and walks downstairs, ignoring the sting of it.

He puts Joshua in his high chair and cuts up a banana and gives him a small bowl of dry cheerios. Joshua seems thrilled with it, his fingers and face sticky and he can’t seem to stop giggling. Well, Harry thinks, at least Joshua doesn’t hate him yet. Not long after, the rest of the kids come down all at once, Jake tucked into Louis’ arms. 

“Happy New Year,” Harry says with a small smile, but none of them say anything. Louis swallows hard and tightens his grip around Jake a little.

“Happy New Year,” Louis says just above a whisper. His voice sounds wrecked and raw. Harry used to love that, after a long night with his husband and the next morning he could barely talk. Now, it’s not the same reasons anymore, and he feels sick.

“I made pancakes. My special ones,” Harry says, motioning to the large stack on the table. They all sit quietly and Jake stays on Louis’ lap. Harry sits with them and clears his throat. “I was thinking about taking the week off and we could go skiing like we used to?”

“Don’t think Joshua is quite ready for skiing. He can barely stand up on his own yet,” Louis mumbles, taking a small bite of his pancake.

“No, yeah, I know but-I was just thinking it’d be nice to go away, the seven of us. We don’t have to go skiing, we could just hang out together. We used to do that a lot too,” Harry tries.

“We used to do a lot of things, Harry,” Louis says tiredly. 

“We can start again,” Harry says hopefully.

“I don’t think it’s that easy,” Louis says quietly. 

“I want it to be,” Harry says back.

“Harry, please. Just drop it,” Louis says, and he’s not mad, he just looks exhausted. Harry is sure Louis didn’t sleep, either. 

“I don’t really know what you want me to do, Louis,” Harry sighs.

“Don’t do this in front of the kids. We’ll talk later,” Louis says, bouncing Jake on his leg lightly. Harry doesn’t say anything back because Louis is probably just a few moments from a mental breakdown. It’s quiet, and the kids look nervous and scared and Harry hates it. 

After everyone is done, Harry stands up. “I’m gonna clean up, so you guys can go watch television or something in the living room.”

“Luke, can you take Josh for me? I have to talk to your father,” Louis says and Lucas nods and takes Joshua out of his highchair. He’s babbling to himself and pats Lucas’s cheek with his sticky hand. When the kids are out of earshot, Louis lets out a long breath.

“Louis-“ Harry says softly.

“No, Harry,” Louis whispers, crossing his arms and Harry notices he’s still wearing his hoodie. There’s still a big red wine stain on the sleeve from one of their movie nights back in uni. Louis got giggly and handsy and spilled some over Harry’s lap and hoodie, and the stain never came out. They both loved it too much to get rid of it. 

“I didn’t get to explain,” Harry says.

“Do you honestly think you deserve the right to?” Louis asks, his face blotchy rather than radiant. 

“No,” Harry says after a moment. “I suppose I don’t.”

“We...we have to discuss what exactly we’re going to do,” Louis looks down at his feet.

“What do you mean?” Harry asks, leaning against the countertop with his eyebrows knit together. 

“I don’t know if we can stay married, Harry. We have kids, too, and we share everything, and I’m not sure what the best choice is right now,” Louis says quietly, not looking up from the ground. 

“What? Louis…are you…” Harry trails off. He feels dizzy and his heart is beating quickly. As a doctor, he’s pretty sure this isn’t good and he could be on the verge of a heart attack. At least, that’s what it feels like, like death is around the corner. “Do you…”

“Want a divorce? Maybe,” Louis finishes, his voice shaky. “I don’t think I can trust you anymore. It’s not like it was a one time drunk kind of thing, you were cheating behind my back for almost a year. Not only that, but you left me alone with five kids and…you’re not the person I married.”

“No, baby, don’t say that,” Harry whispers, going to reach for Louis, but Louis won’t allow it.

“Don’t act like you care because he left you,” Louis says, trying to sound angry but failing.

“I left him. I told him to leave and I wasn’t coming with him,” Harry says.

“Oh, so because you broke up with your boyfriend I’m supposed to be okay with it?” Louis snaps.

“No, that’s-fuck, Louis,” Harry sighs. “I love you. I always have, okay? You know that. Christ, you should know that. And I’m absolute shit for not telling you more often, but I do. All the tattoos inked on my skin for the rest of my life show that, and god, Louis, I can’t think of you not being my husband.”

“I thought I felt the same way,” Louis laughs humorlessly, trying to fight back tears. “but I guess I’m not enough anymore. Maybe it’s because I’m not as young as you want, or you’re bored of me, I don’t know what it is. I stayed up the whole night thinking about what I should have done differently.”

“Baby, it wasn’t you, it never was. Fuck, this was me being stupid. You were always more than I deserved. Don’t talk like this,” Harry begs, his eyes wet.

“I don’t think I can stay in a relationship like this,” Louis says quietly. Harry gets on his knees, wrapping his arms around Louis’ waist and rests his head on Louis’ stomach.

“No, Louis, please. I fucked up so bad,” Harry sobs. “But I’m going to fix it. Just let me fix it. Give me a chance and I swear I’ll never ask for another. Don’t waste 20 years of us because I’m an idiot. I love you, I love you, and I love our kids, and I need you all. Don’t make me leave; let me show you I can be the best husband. Fuck, you can even make a set of rules for me.”

“Rules? You’ll let me do that?” Louis asks after a moment, not touching Harry at all. 

“Yes, yes, anything you want, okay? Please, baby, anything,” Harry pleads, nuzzling his face into his soft tummy.

“Fine. We’ll start off with you taking the kids out for the day while I make up a list of rules,” Louis says. 

“Yeah?” Harry asks, holding his hips tight and looking up at Louis hopefully.

“Yeah. It’s New Year’s Day, but I’m sure plenty of things are still open. They never see you anymore, so I’d rather you take them out. I think I deserve a break,” Louis says.

“Yes, absolutely. I’ll take them, I promise. Let me just get them ready and you can take all the time you need, okay? Thank you,” Harry says, stand up and wrapping his arms tightly around Louis. Louis doesn’t hug back, but doesn’t push him away either, because this is the most physical contact he’s had with Harry in months. 

“Go, I’ll see you later,” Louis instructs. Harry nods and leans down, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead, even thought he knows he probably shouldn’t. Louis stays silent, though, so Harry thinks it’s alright. 

“Kids!” Harry says cheerfully when he steps into the living room. “Who wants to go out with Papa today?!”

All the kids are silent, staring at him blankly. Louis walks in, clearing his throat. “It’s okay, kids. Daddy needs to do some stuff alone, so you can go out with Papa today and I promise tonight I’ll make us all hot cocoa and we can watch a movie. Does that sound good?”

“Yeah!” Jake says happily. Louis smiles tiredly at him.

“Good. Alright, go get changed,” he says. Harry gives him a grateful smile and takes Joshua from Lucas’s arms and leads the kids upstairs. Louis watches them and presses his lips together. He goes into the kitchen to make himself tea and then sits down at the table with a notebook and a pen. If Harry wants a chance, he’s going to have to prove it to Louis.

He waits for them to leave, and he can see Lucas and Sophia look hesitant to leave Louis alone. He gives them a warm smile and a short nod, reassuring them that he’ll be fine. 

When the door closes, he stares at the blank piece of paper in front of him and sighs loudly, then starts to write. 

_Rules If You Want To Stay Married To Me_

_Rule Number One: Nathan is gone. Fire him, send him to a different doctor, I don’t care, but you will not see him anymore. If you can’t follow through with this rule, we have issues far too deep to fix and I will file for divorce without hesitation._

_Rule Number Two: You take at least one day off a month to spend time with us. You were never around before and that cannot happen anymore._

_Rule Number Three: You have to eat at least one meal a day with us. No more going out with other people for breakfast in the morning or a late dinner with your buddies; you’ll be here with us._

_Rule Number Four: When I can learn to somewhat tolerate you again, I expect you to sleep in the same bed with me and cuddle me properly._

_Rule Number Five: You tuck the kids in at least twice a week. This includes reading them a story._

_Rule Number Six: Once a week, you and I will do something together as our date night. We may have to work up to this one._

_Rule Number Seven: Couples therapy. I know you probably don’t want to go, but if after four months of going it doesn’t help, we’ll stop. I want to at least try it and see if someone can give us advice._

_I’ll give you a year, Harry. If you can make us work by next New Year’s Eve, no divorce. I think that’s beyond generous of me, giving you that much time, but there’s a lot of birthday, holidays, and anniversaries I figured you should get the chance for. If I didn’t love you so god damn much you wouldn’t even be getting this second chance. Don’t ruin it, don’t fuck up, because I still love you. God, I wish I didn’t, but I do. I love you and these kids and I’m not letting you off that easily._

_Here’s your second chance, Harry. Make it count._

Louis reads it over a few times, checking for any errors. He thinks it’s a good basis to restart their relationship and he’s glad. He just hopes that Harry can stick to it. 

When Harry comes back home later with the kids behind him, they all seem fairly happy and it tugs on Louis’ heart a bit.

“Have fun?” Louis asks, standing up from the couch.

“Yeah, we had a lot of fun. We saw a movie and I took them out for lunch,” Harry says, Joshua napping on his shoulder. “Long day for this guy.”

“I see,” Louis can’t help but smile. 

“I’m going to put him down and then start on dinner,” Harry says, checking if that’s okay. Louis nods and watch Harry walk upstairs.

“So, you guys had fun?” Louis asks the other four kids.

“Yeah,” Lucas says. “it’s like…he was Papa again, the old Papa. He was normal again.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” Louis says quietly. “Why don’t you guys watch TV or hang out in your rooms for a while? Papa and I still have some talking to do.”

“Okay,” Sophia says. They all walk up the stairs and Harry comes back down. 

“He’s out like a light,” Harry says.

“Takes after you.”

It’s quiet for a moment, but then Louis is shuffling some papers and handing them to Harry. Harry takes them wordlessly and sits on a stool at the island. He reads through the rules twice and looks up at Louis.

“You’re sure this is all you want?” Harry asks. 

“Yeah, for now, I think. It’s a good start,” Louis says softly. 

“No, yeah, it is. I can do this. And I know it’s stupid and I shouldn’t even say it but I’m sorry. I want to say it a billion times over but I know it’s useless and I know you need more than just words.”

“Yeah, you do. I’m glad you realize that, though. I suppose that’s a start,” Louis says. 

“I’m going to go make a few phone calls, okay? To the office and find a therapist and I’m going to fix this,” Harry rushes out, holding the papers tightly in his hands.

“Okay,” is all Louis says. Harry walks into his office and leaves the door open, which Louis takes as a good sign. Harry doesn’t take long, and he comes back looking more relaxed.

“We have an appointment on Friday at 10 with Dr. Evans for couples therapy. I took the day off,” Harry says. “Figured we could do something with the kids afterwards.”

“That sounds nice,” Louis nods.

“He’s gone, by the way. I fired him. Fresh start, okay?” Harry says, almost pleading and Louis nods again.

“Okay.”

“Okay,” Harry sighs. “I’m going to start dinner. I’ll make you some tea and you can go relax, okay? Here, let me draw you a bubble bath. How has your back been?”

“It’s alright. Sore sometimes, I guess. A lot of knots in it,” Louis admits. Five pregnancies have been hard on his body.

“I can get those out for you. If you’re not comfortable with that I get you a massage somewhere at a spa or something,” Harry says, and he’s talking so fast. 

“Um, sure,” Louis swallows. Harry used to give him massages all the time, even more frequently during his pregnancies and he’s amazing at them. He misses his hands working out the kinks in his back. “Maybe, I don’t know.”

“Yeah, okay,” Harry nods. “Come on.”

They walk up to the master bedroom and Harry hands Louis a fluffy towel and goes into the bathroom. Louis strips down and wraps the towel around himself and sits on the bed. Harry comes back a few minutes later and motions to the bathroom.

“Bath is nice and hot. I lit some candles and put some of that salt that you like,” Harry says quietly and Louis nods.

“Thanks,” Louis mumbles.

“I’ll be making dinner,” Harry says, kissing Louis once on the forehead and walking out, closing the door behind him. Louis gets into the warm water and sighs in contentment. He sort of wishes Harry was climbing in with him, like he always used to, and they’d tease each other and end up with their hands below the waist and moaning softly into each other’s mouths. Not anymore, he thinks sadly.

Dinner is nice; it’s a bit quiet but it seems calmer than breakfast did. The food is delicious, as always. Louis misses Harry’s cooking. Louis is usually looking for quicker meals but Harry takes his time, finding extravagant recipes and Louis doesn’t mind feeling pampered for once.

“Daddy, are we still going to watch a movie?” Gabriella asks.

“Yeah, if you guys are up to it. What movie do you want to see?” Louis asks, making quick eye contact with his husband.

“Let’s watch Grease,” Sophia suggests. “Family friendly.”

“I do love that movie,” Louis smiles a little.

“Your favorite,” Harry says softly, locking his eyes with Louis’. 

“Yeah,” Louis replies back in a whisper, looking back down at his food.

After dinner, Harry cleans up and Louis makes them hot chocolate with extra whipped cream on top, sticking mini marshmallows into it. They cuddle up on the large couch, and Louis sits next to Harry, leaving a small amount of space between them. Jake sits on Harry’s lap and Gabriella is smushed into Louis’ side. Lucas and Sophia eye Louis and Harry every so often, checking to make sure everything is alright. 

Louis finds himself singing along to Summer Love, Harry singing Danny’s part, and he breaks into a grin. They used to do this all the time, sing Grease songs and Harry was always Danny and Louis was Sandy. It was a thing they would do on weekends when everyone was out partying and they just felt like staying in their tiny dorm room with popcorn, beer, a good musical, and each other.

By the end of the movie, Jake and Gabriella are asleep and Louis and Harry end up closer than before. It’s too close for Louis’ comfort and he stands up quickly. 

“Alright, bedtime.”

He picks up Gabriella carefully but Harry stops him. “I got her, your back hurts,” he says softly. “I’ll take them both. Go ahead and get into bed.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, positive.”

Louis nods, looking at Sophia and Lucas. They both say goodnight to Harry and Louis and head up for bed. Louis follows them, glancing back at Harry gathering both Jake and Gabriella in his arms. His chest aches again, time after time when he sees this sort of stuff. He shakes it off and walks to his bedroom before he cries it out.  
~  
_“When people have too many choices, they make bad choices”- Thom Browne_

“Hi, I’m Doctor Evans and you two must be Louis and Harry Styles,” the doctor walks in, her heels clicking on the hardwood floor.

“Yes, we are. It’s nice to meet you,” Harry says, shaking her hand and Louis follows suit. She sits down and crosses her legs, giving the couple a once over. 

“Let’s start with how long you’ve been together.”

“Twenty years,” Louis says softly, playing with his hands in his lap.

“And when did the marriage become an issue? When did you see the relationship friction occur?” she asks scribbling something in her lap.

“After our son Joshua was born, so it’s been about a year or so,” Louis says.

“And is there a reason this friction came about?”

Louis looks at Harry, his eyes burning into him. Harry coughs into his fist and fixes his eyes on the ground. “I, um, there was a man at work I was seeing.”

“Say it, Harry. You _fucked_ him. You fucked him behind my back for a year while I was taking care of your five kids,” Louis barks and Harry refuses to make eye contact with him.

“Harry,” Dr. Evans says softly. “Do you have anything you’d like to say?”

It’s silent. “Of course he doesn’t! He’s a fucking coward! He just wants me to crawl back to him and forgive him for his wrongs and I won’t!” Louis shouts, but Harry still looks down. “Look at me!”

Harry winces and looks up at Louis and everything else seems fuzzy. He sees the look in Louis’ eyes, the look he’s only seen once before. 

_”Oh, mum, this is Louis. He’s my…my good friend,” Harry says, swallowing thickly. Louis’ eyes flick down to the floor and then back to Anne._

_“Nice to meet you,” he says quietly, shaking her hand._

_“You too, Louis,” she smiles kindly. “I’ll leave you two alone, I’m sure with midterms coming up you’re busy.”_

_“Yeah, thanks, mum. I’ll see you soon,” Harry says, hugging her tightly. “Love you.”_

_“I love you, too. Call me tomorrow, yeah?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“Goodbye, Louis! It was so nice meeting you. I hope we can see each other again,” she smiles, reaching for his hand and squeezing it._

_“Yeah, that’d be nice,” Louis says, smiling back. With one last kiss on the cheek, she leaves the room and when the door closes, Louis looks at Harry. There’s so much emotion: betrayal, anger, hurt, and disappointment in one heart-wrenching look._

_“What’s wrong, babe?”_

_“What’s wrong? Harry, you told me you were going to tell her about us! You said you were tired of lying to your family and once we told my family, we would tell yours. Obviously you’re not over your stupid insecurity about this and you’re ashamed of us, or me, for that matter,” Louis says, crossing his arms. His eyes are so fierce it almost brings Harry to his knees._

_“No,” his voice cracks a bit. “I’m not ashamed, you know that. I told you I’m not anymore, I’m over it. I know it’s okay now, and I love you. You know that already.”_

_“Then why didn’t you tell her?” Louis whispers, his eyes glazing over._

_“I panicked, Louis, I don’t know. I’m just afraid that…I don’t know what I’m afraid of, but I’m scared,” Harry says, sighing deeply._

_“Harry,” Louis nearly tears his hair out. “We talked about this already. There’s nothing to be afraid of, okay? She loves you so much, and I love you, and your family will never stop loving you just because of who you love. But lying to your mum right in front of me…after everything we’ve been through…kind of shitty, don’t you think? I thought I deserved better than that.”_

_“You do,” Harry says quickly. “I’m just an idiot. I’ll call her and tell her right now, I promise. I’m sorry.”_

_“You’ll do it now?” Louis asks after a moment and Harry nods._

_“Yeah, if you want me to, if it’ll make you happy.”_

_“I think it would,” Louis whispers and Harry kisses him._

_After Harry called his mother and Louis talked to her more about her son, things were easy and simple. The look of disappointment and hurt in Louis’ eyes turned into a fond, soft one that Harry lived for._

Now, it’s that betrayed look again, with disappointment and anger and hurt. Harry made it happen in the worst way possible, and it was the worst feeling.

“I’m sorry,” Harry whimpers, looking down again. “I’m so sorry.”

“That’s all he seems how to do is apologize, like that’s going to fix us,” Louis snaps. “It’s not, Harry. You chose to carry out an affair with another man for an entire year. You were never sorry then, you can’t be sorry now.” 

“I am sorry,” Harry says.

“Prove it, then!”

“I’m trying to, Louis! I’m here, aren’t I? Give me some time first!” Harry shouts.

“Okay, okay,” the doctor says softly. “This is good. You need to get your feelings out and yelling can help feel calmer afterwards. I would try not to do it in front of your kids, but here is a good place for it. We need to bring all the feelings up the surface and figure out how we can make this better.”

“I just wish he would give me a chance to show him how good I can be,” Harry says slowly, looking down at the floor again.

“You shouldn’t have to be doing it, though. You should have been my husband for the last year, not a stranger,” Louis almost whimpers. “You did this to yourself.”

“I know I did, Louis! You don’t have to remind me! I know I fucked up and I’m an idiot for it, alright? Is that what you want to hear?” Harry says. 

“I don’t know what I want, okay? I want to take back this whole year and redo it, fix it somehow, I don’t know. Maybe if I knew this I wouldn’t have had Joshua,” Louis breathes deeply.

“You know that was my fault,” Harry whispers. “You know I didn’t check the expiration date on the condom, that was my fault. I don’t regret him at all though, Louis, you know that. God, I love all of them more than anything in this world. I wouldn’t change that for anything, I just got selfish.”

“You expected me to be perfect and I’m just not,” Louis sobs, wiping his wet cheeks. 

“I never expected that of you, why do you think that?”

“You wanted me to raise five kids on my own and still have time for you. I just can’t do that, and you cheated on me because of that. It isn’t fair.”

“Harry, was that why you cheated?” Dr. Evans asks.

“I don’t know,” Harry almost yells. “I just felt alone, and Nathan was there. Louis was busy and I just felt like we were drifting apart and when Nathan came onto me I didn’t say no.”

“At least your honest, you jackass,” Louis scoffs. “Sorry I was busy managing four kids and a newborn by myself.”

“Okay, we can’t turn back time, so I think now we need to work on moving forward. Now, Nathan, is it? Is he out of the picture?”

“Yes, I broke it off with him. And now I’m just trying to fix our marriage,” Harry says calmly.

“Which will take a lot of time. Louis is going to have to learn to trust you again and when you’ve been married for so long, it makes it difficult. But I think this is fixable if we do it right,” Dr. Evans reassures. 

The session is full of yelling and crying, but they both feel a little lighter after. The silence on the drive back isn’t tense anymore; it’s a little more breathable. 

“You think we’re going to make it through this, don’t you?” Louis asks quietly, refusing to look over at Harry. Harry reaches his hand over the middle console and intertwines their fingers. Louis doesn’t pull away, just lets out a small breath.

“Yeah, I do.”  
~  
_“Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.”- Noelle, age 7_

_”Harry! Get your sorry arse down here!” Louis yells from outside of Harry’s down building. Harry sticks his head out of the window, looking down five stories below at his boyfriend shuffling a football between his feet._

_“I’ve got an exam to study for, Lou,” Harry sighs, putting his chin in his hand. “Go play with Li, Zayn, and Niall.”_

_“I want to play with you! Just an hour! You’ve got to take your nose out of those books at some time. Can’t relive college, babe,” Louis grins._

_“I’m only coming down because everyone on campus can probably hear your loud mouth,” Harry teases. Louis laughs loudly, and Harry swears he winks. He throws on a hoodie and puts on a pair of sneakers, running down the stairs. When he comes out of the front door, Louis is tackling him and kissing him hard. Harry laughs, wrapping his arms around his waist and picking him up._

_“Hello to you too,” Harry teases, putting him back on the ground._

_“I was in it more for the kissing than for the footie,” Louis admits with a cheeky grin. “C’mon, you need a break. I miss you.”_

_“I know, these exams are kicking me arse though,” Harry sighs, linking their hands together and walking to the quad._

_“Hey, you’re the one who wants to be a doctor,” Louis says. “Weirdo.”_

_“I just like helping people. And when our kids get sick we won’t have to take them to a doctor, they’ll have me.”_

_“Kids?” Louis smiles up at him, shining like the sun. “How many are you thinking?”_

_“I don’t know,” Harry shrugs, blushing lightly. “I love kids. I mean, we haven’t discussed them yet, I know it’s early, but I’d like a big family?”_

_“I would, too,” Louis says softly. “As many as you want.”_

_“Yeah?” Harry grins, turning and pulling Louis in by the waist. “Even if I want 25?”_

_“Maybe, we’ll see. I love kids as well, and if I get to have them with you, then that’s great,” Louis smiles._

_“Good, I wasn’t giving you the option.”_  
~  
_“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.”- Jessica, age 8_

“What is this?” Louis asks, flicking his fringe out of his face and walks into the kitchen. There’s a bouquet of impatiens on the counter with a box and a card. 

“Open the card and find out,” Harry says, flipping the pancakes on the stove. It’s been two weeks since the incident, and it’s not good, but it’s getting better. 

“Kids still asleep?” Louis asks, grabbing the card.

“Yeah, Josh cried a bit but once I fed him he fell asleep again. Figured I’d let the rest of you sleep,” Harry says.

“Thank you,” Louis says, opening up the envelope. The card is something cheesy about ‘I love you and your cute butt’. When he opens it up, Harry’s neat handwriting is filling it.

_Dear Louis,_

_Twenty years ago today, we met in that god awful bar I used to work at. I thought you were the prettiest, most handsome person I’ve ever seen and I still feel that way. I want to stare into those blue eyes all day and wish I could forever. I can’t believe it’s been this long and we’ve had a great run. I know I messed up but I am going to try so hard to prove how much I love you and always will. I just thought today was a good reminder._

_You’ll always be my baby._

_Love forever, Harry_

Louis feels tears in his eyes but blinks them away, opening up the box. There’s a brand new silver watch. Louis looks up at Harry in disbelief.

“Did you think buying me expensive gifts would make this better?”

“I never said that,” Harry says, his face falling. “But this is a special day, I thought you deserved something.”

“All I needed was a dinner and maybe a card and flowers, but don’t try to buy my love,” Louis says, putting the gift down and crossing his arms.

“I’m not, Louis. But Jake flushed your watch down the toilet a while ago and I never got you a new one,” Harry says quietly.

“Oh,” Louis whispers. “I forgot about that.”

“He said the poop monsters wouldn’t come get him if he gave them a nice gift,” Harry grins.

“Oh yeah, he did say that. Quite an imagination.”

“Think he gets it from you. You had some crazy fantasies, as I remember,” Harry lifts an eyebrow with a grin.

“Harry,” Louis scolds, his cheeks hot. “Stop it.”

“Sorry,” Harry muses, turning his attention back to the pancakes. 

“Um, thanks, though. The watch is beautiful. Just…don’t go crazy with gifts, yeah? You making this work will be enough.”

“You deserve to be spoiled, Lou. I haven’t had much chance to spoil you lately, and I want to. You and the kids,” Harry says. “Just let me, please.”

“Fine,” Louis sighs. “Why impatiens?”

“Do you remember when you thought they were called impatients? And I laughed because I said you’re the most impatient person I knew. Then I bought you a few just to get a laugh out of it, and you loved them. Even when you first got pregnant you were like ‘okay I’m ready to give birth now’, just wanting him to get here. You remember that?”

“Yeah,” Louis smiles softly.

_”God, professors can be so rude. I mean, you obviously had to pick this career, right? How can you hate students so much, then? I know my paper deserved at least a B. I worked my ass off to get that thing done and-“ Harry complains, dropping his backpack on the floor._

_“Harry,” Louis says, trying to bring him out of his rant. “Harry.”_

_“What?” Harry finally looks up._

_“I’m pregnant.”_

_“What?”_

_“I just took the test. We’re going to have a baby.”_

_“A baby?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“A baby!” Harry shouts, jogging over to his husband and picking him up in his arms. “We’re having a baby!”_

_“Yeah, we are,” Louis grins, his arms around Harry’s neck._

_“I can’t believe we’re pregnant!”_

_“I know,” Harry puts Louis down and kisses him. “Do I really have to wait a whole nine months? Nine months sounds so long.”_

_“Babe,” Harry laughs, nuzzling his nose into Louis’ hair. “It’s going to fly by. Besides, you’re going to look so cute when you’re pregnant.”_

_“Yeah? You think?” Louis giggles._

_“Absolutely.”_

“You’re still impatient now, age isn’t helping you,” Harry smirks.

“Can I ask you something?” Louis asks suddenly, feeling a bit bold. Harry turns to him and his eyes are soft.

“Ask me anything, Lou.”

“Did you love him?” Louis asks softly softly softly, because if he speaks too loud this will become real. 

“Louis,” Harry sighs, but Louis cuts him off.

“Did you love him?” Louis asks again, enunciating each word. Harry looks down at the floor and stays quiet for a moment. He looks back up after a pregnant pause and looks at Louis through bleary vision. 

“Yes. I did.” Harry says.

“Do you love him more than me?” Louis asks, his voice hoarse. 

“No, never. Not as much as I love you.”

“Do you still love him?” Louis asks, his bottom lip trembling. Harry takes a deep breath.

“No, I don’t. I did, but I don’t now,” Harry says carefully. 

“How can I believe you?” Louis asks sadly, not able to meet his eyes.

“I understand that you can’t trust me now, Louis, I know that, but I want you to believe me. I only love you and I never felt the same way about him as I do about you. We’re amazing together and we were meant to be together. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that you’re my other half and I wish I remembered that a year ago. I’m so stupid and I can never forgive myself for it, but I’m learning from it and I’m not going to let that happen again,” Harry says lowly. He’s close to tears and Louis is already crying.

“Sometimes I wish I didn’t love you so much so this would hurt less,” Louis sniffs. 

“Don’t say that,” Harry murmurs. “Please don’t say that. I’m going to make it up to you, I promise.”

“I can’t trust you yet, Harry. I just can’t,” Louis wipes his eyes and turns away, walking upstairs. Harry sighs and puts his head in his hands, massaging his temples. 

“Pop?” Lucas asks quietly. Harry looks up and sees his son standing their, looking sad and tired.

“Hey, Luke,” Harry says, leaning against the counter.

“Can we talk?”

“Yeah, of course,” Harry says, nodding towards the couch. They walk over and sit down and Harry can feel the tenseness. “What’s up?”

“It’s about you and dad,” Lucas admits. Harry nods slowly and hesitantly. 

“Okay. We should talk about it. You’re old enough to know about this, but I don’t want the others to know about it, yeah? Sophia wouldn’t take it well and I don’t want the little ones worrying, I want them to think everything is alright for right now.”

“Yeah, I know. Does that mean you’re staying? You aren’t going to leave?” Lucas asks.

“I’m not going anywhere, I promise. Dad didn’t want me to leave you kids and I never want to leave you. I love you all so much and I’m your father, Dad knows I belong in your lives,” Harry says.

“But if you didn’t have us, you wouldn’t be here,” Lucas says. 

“No, probably not,” Harry says quietly. “But that doesn’t matter, because I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”

“Why did you cheat? I always thought that you loved each other so much that nothing would do this to you. You were always so loving towards each other and you never used to fight and then when Dad had Joshua that was it. I just don’t understand why you would hurt him like this,” Lucas says, his voice strained. 

“Lucas,” Harry whispers. “I’m sorry. I know it was horrible of me to do, but you have to realize marriage is a very difficult thing. It takes a lot of work, it’s give and take and I got selfish. I was getting less than I was giving because Dad was busy with you kids and I wanted the attention. I’m ashamed of it and I will never hurt him again.”

“It’s not that easy though, Pop!” Lucas shouts, his eyes watery. “You don’t understand. Dad always told us you were like Superman. You went out every day to save lives and help people, but no matter what happens, you’d always come back home. He always had so much faith in you and he was so proud of you. It’s not fair. Now he’s completely destroyed over it and I hate being in this house. You were always my hero, you were always our Superman, and now you’re like a monster or a villain or something.”

“No, I’m not. I know I’ve messed up, but I still love all of you,” Harry sniffs, tears slipping down his cheeks. “I want to be superman again. I will be superman again, Lucas, I promise I will.”

“Good luck,” Lucas scoffs, standing up. 

“Lucas!” Harry calls after him but he’s ignored. He hears a door slam and he falls back into the couch.  
~  
_“Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for” –Bob Marley_

“What do you want for dinner, Joshy?” Louis asks, pushing the cart down the aisle of the grocery store. Harry is performing a surgery on a patient today, and he always shows him proof when he’s got a long day. He brings home the file and explains it to Louis and it seems like he’s got a little bit more emotion back. It’s been two months, and things are quiet. They still aren’t sleeping in the same bed, but therapy is going well.

Joshua looks up at him with big blue eyes and giggles, his teething ring fit in his mouth. Louis smiles down at him and sighs. He thinks he might make a chicken dish with a fresh kale salad. He walks down the vegetable aisle and looks to the side, reaching for what he needs. He feels a cart bump into his side and he winces, looking to see what asshole wasn’t paying attention.

“Whoops, didn’t see you there,” Nathan smirks.

“Oh. It’s you,” Louis swallows, turning back to the kale. 

“How is your marriage? Has he left you yet?” Nathan asks with a mocking frown. 

“No, he hasn’t, and he hasn’t run back to you, either, so I think I’m winning,” Louis says, refusing to make eye contact.

“He cheated on you, so obviously not everything is peachy with you and your fucked up family.”

“Alright, that’s enough. I’ve got my baby with me, what kind of jerk are you? Harry is never going back to you, so you should just give it up. Find another family to try to tear apart because this one is patching up just fine,” Louis snaps. 

“I bet Harry told me he loved me more often then he told you, though. That’s got to hurt, yeah?” Nathan says, grinning devilishly. “Told me you stopped caring about him and I was there to care for him when you weren’t. That’s rough, innit? Knowing your husband is better off with someone else?”

“Don’t you dare talk to me like that. I did absolutely nothing to you, you were the one who went after a married guy. If you’re heartbroken, I have no sympathy for you. You knew what you were getting into. I want you to stay out of all of our lives and move on. Be a grown up for once,” Louis says harshly, narrowing his eyes and pushing his cart away.

After Louis finishes shopping and puts the baby in his car seat, he gets into the drivers seat and he cries. Harry loved someone that wasn’t him, even if he doesn’t love him anymore. It’s not fair, none of it is fair. 

He hears Joshua babbling behind him and says “Dada?”

“I’m okay, sweetheart,” Louis sniffs. “We’re going to go home now, okay?”

“Hoooome,” Joshua sings and Louis smiles wetly. At least he has the best kids in the entire world. 

Louis cooks dinner with Joshua playing in his high chair and Gabriella sets the table. She tells him all about her day at school and her new friend Cody. Louis responds at all the right times and tries to be as animated as he can, but his whole body is tense from the encounter at Tesco’s. He knows he has to talk to Harry about it but he doesn’t know how he’s going to go about it. Everything has been so difficult in the past year and a half and Louis is drained. 

“Is Papa going to eat dinner with us tonight?” Gabriella asks.

“Yeah, sweetie,” Louis says, looking up at the clock above the sink. “He should be home in a few minutes.”

“Are you still mad at him?”

“No, sweetie, not anymore,” Louis says softly, mixing the salad.

“Why do you fight a lot, then?” she asks.

“We all fight with people we love, Gabby. Papa and Daddy love each other very much and that’s why we fight,” Louis says.

“Love is confusing,” Gabriella sighs. “Fighting doesn’t sound like love. I hope I never fall in love.”

“Gabby,” Louis laughs. “Love is a very good thing, honey. Fighting is just part of it, but if Papa and I weren’t in love you wouldn’t be here. We wouldn’t have any of you kids.”

“Oh,” she says. “That makes sense.”

Harry comes home a little while later, just as Louis as putting the food on the table. He puts his jacket on the coat rack and walks into the kitchen.

“Hey,” he says softly, kissing Louis’ cheek. “Smells good.”

“Thank you. How did it go?” Louis asks, facing Harry.

“Good, it was really successful. He’s staying overnight so they can keep an eye on him and he’ll be sent home in the morning.”

“That’s good,” Louis says. “Glad you were able to help him.”

“How was your day?” Harry asks.

“Eventful,” Louis says dryly. “I have to talk to you after dinner.”

“Is everything alright?” Harry asks, concerned.

“No, not really. But I just want to enjoy our meal before we get into it,” Louis says.

“Okay, that’s fine,” Harry says. “But hey, whatever it is, I love you, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Louis chokes. Harry rubs his back lightly before kissing his temple. 

“I’ll go get the kids.”

Harry calls the kids for dinner and sets up Joshua with cut up food and a sippy cup. Harry asks them how their day was and nods along to their stories, chewing happily. He eyes Louis every so often to check up on him and Louis just nods a little. 

After dinner, Harry and Sophia clean up and Louis waits in the living room. He tries to think of what he’s going to say, replays what happened that afternoon. He feels so, so tired and just wants to sleep forever and pretend none of this ever happened. He wishes loving Harry was as easy as it used to be.

“Babe, I’m done,” Harry says softly, coming into the living room. “Do you wanna talk now?”

“Yeah, sit down,” Louis says quietly, turning himself on the couch. Harry sits beside him and intertwines their fingers and gives it a squeeze for comfort. 

“What’s wrong, Lou? You’ve seemed off, so I know it’s something bad,” Harry says, stroking his knuckles with his thumb.

“I saw Nathan at Tesco’s,” Louis whispers, biting his bottom lip.

“Oh no,” Harry mumbles. “What happened? What did he do to you?”

“He said some pretty nasty things,” Louis says with a shaky voice. “How he was better for you and you had to run to him to get the attention and loved you wanted. How often you said…how often you told him you…you loved him.”

“Louis,” Harry breathes, going to pull Louis into a hug, but Louis pushes him off.

“No. You can’t fix this with a hug,” Louis sobs, pulling their hands away. “You loved him and you said it to him more than you said it to me. He was treated so much better than your own husband.”

“Louis, listen,” Harry tries but Louis continues.

“It’s not fair! You were being so loved this whole time while I had no one but the kids! This wasn’t just for sex, you loved him! You loved another man and you’re my husband, not his!” Louis screams brokenly. “How am I supposed to stay with someone who hurt me so much? You loved someone else.”

“I don’t love him anymore.”

“That’s not the point! I’m always going to worry that I’m not enough and you can easily love someone else! I would rather be alone then not love you anymore,” Louis chokes. It feels like his heart is tearing itself open.

“I love you so much,” Harry says lowly, tears falling down his cheeks. “Baby, I never stopped loving you.”

“You don’t get it!” Louis snaps. He stands up and wipes his eyes angrily. “You will never get it. I don’t want to stay in a relationship like this. I wish I could have the power to walk out of here, make you suffer alone.”

He goes upstairs and turns on the shower as hot as it will go, stripping his clothes and getting into the steamy water. He falls against the wall and starts to sob loudly.

Harry sits on the couch, dumbfounded and crying. Louis wants to leave him. He would rather walk out and move on with his life than stay married to his husband, and that drives knives into Harry’s chest.

He goes upstairs quietly, opening the door to the bathroom and carrying their laundry basket. He picks up Louis’ dirty clothes and throws them in and grabs one of Louis’ towels to put in the dryer so it’s warm when he’s done. He throws Louis’ clothes in the washer and tosses the towel in the dryer and waits. He leans against the dryer and lets himself cry.

When Louis gets out of the shower, he picks up his fluffy white towel and it feels warm, and his dirty clothes are no longer on the floor. He’s got clean pajamas folded neatly on the counter and Louis knows Harry is trying to take care of him. It’s his way of saying he’s sorry. He hugs the warm towel close to his body and gets dressed. He goes into his bedroom and sees Harry putting a duvet on the bed which Louis is sure is fresh out of the dryer as well.

“Sorry,” Harry says softly. “I know you like when the duvet is warm when you get into bed.”

“It’s also only 8 o’clock.”

“Oh,” Harry says dejectedly with a glance at the clock. “I’m sorry, I just wanted to help.”

“I know you did. It’s the thought that counts.”

“Do you need anything else? I’m doing laundry now. Do you want some tea?” Harry says hopefully.

“Tea would be nice,” Louis nods once. 

“Okay, I’m on it.”

Louis curls into the warm duvet and closes his eyes tightly.  
~  
_“I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together in the most innocent sense of the phrase” -John Green_

“Jakey, what’s wrong?” Louis asks, turning over in bed and seeing his son crack the door open.

“I had a bad dream,” Jake says, sniffing.

“C’mere, honey. You can stay with me tonight,” Louis says. Jake gets into bed and Louis pulls him into an embrace. “Daddy will protect you. What was your nightmare?”

“Papa didn’t live here anymore. He went bye bye and didn’t come back,” Jake sniffs again.

“Oh, sweetie, that won’t happen. Papa is never going to leave us, okay? He’s always going to be here and he’ll always love you, okay?” Louis says softly, wiping some curls from his eyes.

“Promise?” Jake asks softly.

“Yes, love, I promise. C’mon, let’s try to sleep,” Louis soothes, kissing his forehead.

“Daddy?” Jake asks.

“What, sweetheart?” Louis asks.

“Why don’t you and Papa sleep in the same bed anymore?”

“Oh,” Louis swallows. “Daddy hasn’t been sleeping well, so Papa lets me sleep alone now.”

“Do you sleep better now?”

“Yeah, yeah, sweetie. Papa is going to start sleeping here again, okay? So next time if you need me, he’ll be here too, yeah?”

“Okay.”

“Get some rest.”

The next morning, Louis goes into the spare bedroom holding Joshua, where Harry has temporarily moved. Harry sits up and takes Joshua from him, knitting his eyebrows together.

“Morning, Lou. Something wrong?”

“You have to sleep in our bed again. Jake came in last night with a nightmare last night, and he asked why you weren’t there. I made up some weird excuse but I think we should start to get back into our old routine. It’s been two months, so maybe we’re ready for that step.”

“Yeah, of course, Louis, I’d love to. And if you’re ready, I’m ready for that cuddling rule,” Harry smiles sheepishly. 

“We can try it out,” Louis says softly, wiping some drool from Joshua’s chin. 

“He looks like you,” Harry says.

“No, I think he looks more like you,” Louis replies.

“They’re all beautiful. And that’s because we made them,” Harry whispers.

“Yeah, I think you’re right about that.”

“Do you remember when Sophia was convinced you ate Jake and that’s why you were so big?”

“Yes,” Louis laughs. “She was so upset with me.”

_”Daddy, I have a question,” Sophia asks when Louis and Harry are tucking her into bed._

_“What is it, honey?” Louis asks, rubbing his belly. There was only three weeks left until the C-section and he was just about ready to pop._

_“Why did you eat my brother?” she asks and looks offended. Harry chuckles lowly and Louis is holding back a laugh. “Babies aren’t made for eating.”_

_“Soph,” Harry says, pushing her hair out of her face. “Daddy didn’t eat him.”_

_“Then why is he trapped in Daddy’s tummy? How did he get in there?” she asks, crossing her arms._

_“Well,” Harry coughs awkwardly. “I used a special hose to plant a little seed inside Daddy’s tummy and the seed grew into a little baby, and in a few weeks the baby will come out just like you did.”_

_“Oh. Where do you get the seeds?” she asks._

_“Lou? Want to tell her?” Harry asks, voice squeaking a little._

_“I don’t know where you get the seeds, babe. They always seemed to show up surprisingly, so where do you get them?” Louis smirks._

_“I, uh, I buy them from a special shop. Only boys older than 21 are allowed in there.”_

_“Oh,” she says, thinking about it but then seemingly accepting it._

_“Get some sleep, sweetie. You have school in the morning,” Louis says, kissing her forehead._

_“Okay. Goodnight, Daddy, night, Papa,” she says, cuddling up with her stuffed elephant._

_“Goodnight, princess. I love you,” Harry says softly, kissing her nose._

_“Love you too,” she yawns. Louis gives her one last kiss. Harry helps him off the bed and puts a supporting hand on his back, leading them out of the room and shutting the lights off._

_“Seeds from a store?” Louis asks with a grin. “Special hose meaning your penis, then? Store being your balls?”_

_“If you want to get technical, yes,” Harry laughs. “Better than eating your own son.”_

_“I suppose,” Louis says softly. “What if I told you I want to maybe swallow your special seed? Suck your special hose into my mouth?”_

_“Why is this hot?” Harry growls. “This should definitely not be hot.”_

_“You were never picky,” Louis giggles, trailing his hand down and gripping Harry’s cock through his pants._

_“Yeah,” Harry nods. “Bedroom.”_

“Sophia’s got great character,” Harry says. “Just like you do.”

“Yeah, guess she does, then.”

Harry slips into their bedroom that night hesitantly and Louis smiles slightly. 

“Hi,” Harry says gently. “You sure you’re okay with this?”

“Yeah,” Louis says softly. “We can try it. I think it’s better for the kids this way and….better for us.”

“Okay,” Harry murmurs. They get changed in silence, and Louis knows Harry is glancing at him to get whatever kind of view he can, slightly smiling. Louis takes it as a compliment that Harry still wants to see him, still likes what Louis can offer.

They get into bed and Louis can tell Harry’s wondering about cuddling, wanting to hold Louis close. Louis swallows hard and looks up at Harry.

“Um, I don’t think I’m ready for the whole cuddling thing yet,” Louis whispers.

“No, no, that’s fine, Louis. I understand,” Harry says quickly. “Um, goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

“I love you,” Harry says softly, kissing his forehead once. “Sleep well.”

“You too,” Louis whispers, turning his back to Harry and closing his eyes. He feels anxious about it, nervous and a bit guilty. He knows he has no reason to, but Harry is back in their bed and he can feels his weight on the other side, can smell his cologne and shampoo and _Harry_. It’s overwhelming, but Louis thinks it’s a step in the right direction.  
~  
__  
You make me stronger  
and I have fallen in love  
with the strength I found  
-Tyler Knott Gregson 

Louis and Harry have just started to cuddle again after a month of easing into it. Louis admits that he’s missed this so much and holds him extra close. They haven’t kissed except for quick forehead kisses or something in front of the kids, but Louis isn’t read for it yet. 

“Harry?” Louis asks softly, Harry’s hand over his stomach with his own fingers intertwined.

“Yeah?”

“Do you want to start date night again?”

“Do you think you’re ready for it?” Harry asks, pulling him a bit closer.

“I think we should start. Nothing too much, maybe just a movie or pizza but maybe some time away from the kids will be good,” Louis says softly.

“Yeah, I think so too. We can start up on Friday’s again, if you want. We can see that new Marvel movie,” Harry suggests, and he’s not even teasing. Louis is nearly forty but still loves Marvel comics and even though Harry isn’t a huge fan, he always takes Louis. 

“That would be great,” Louis whispers. “Thanks.”

“We’ll eat with the kids and then go, yeah?”

“Sounds good.”

“I love you,” Harry murmurs, and Louis hasn’t been able to say it casually anymore, not in that way he used to, so he just doesn’t. He still loves Harry more than life itself, but he’s afraid to say it. He doesn’t want Harry to think that everything is okay, because it’s far from it.  
~  
_“Don’t look for someone who will solve all of your problems. Look for someone who will never let you face them alone.” –Unknown_

Louis walks past Jake’s room and sees Harry perched on a small chair, reading him a book softly. Jake’s eyes are closed and Louis knows he’s asleep, but Harry always likes to finish the story even when they fall asleep during it. He claims it’s because he doesn’t want them to wake up if he stops, but Louis thinks he just likes to see what happens at the end of the story.

When Harry finishes, he stands up and kisses Jake’s forehead, shutting off his light and leaving the room. He nearly has a heart attack when he sees Louis standing there.

“Jesus, how long were you here?” he whispers.

“Not long, sorry for scaring you. I didn’t know where you were,” Louis says.

“Sorry, Jake wanted a story.”

“Don’t apologize, that was in the rules,” Louis shrugs. 

“Yeah, I know, but I just, I forgot how much I missed them, how much they missed me,” Harry says, shaking his head a little.

“It’s amazing how much you miss when you’re not home,” Louis whispers sadly. 

“God, I can’t say sorry enough, but I’m going to show you how badly I want to be here. This is where I belong, okay? I’m staying here,” Harry promises.

“Actions speak louder than words,” Louis says quietly. “You still have nine months and…we’re doing well, I think.”

“Yeah? We’re doing well?” Harry asks.

“Yes. Better than I thought.”  
~  
_“To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides” – David Viscott_

“Happy anniversary,” Harry murmurs, kissing behind Louis’ ear. It’s June, and they’re stable. Louis turns around in bed to face his husband, yawning.

“Happy anniversary.”

“Seventeen years of marriage. That’s amazing,” Harry says, running a hand through Louis’ hair.

“Yeah, I know. Think we can make it another seventeen?”

“We’re going to make it until I die,” Harry promises. Louis doesn’t want to think about Harry dying; he can’t, so he kisses him instead for the first time all year. Harry kisses him back, pulling him close. Louis bites his bottom lip, tugging at his curls and throwing a leg around Harry’s waist. It doesn’t last long, but it’s slow and sweet.

“Is this something we do now?” Harry grins, biting the inside of his cheek.

“I don’t know, maybe. It’s our anniversary; I figured we had to do something. We’ll see what happens,” Louis murmurs. 

“I can live with that,” Harry agrees. “I have a gift for you.”

He stands up and walks over to the dresser, picking up a box from underneath his briefs and sitting on the bed again. He hands Louis the box and another card. Louis opens the card, another cheesy one about how ‘even when I don’t like you, I love you’ which fits them completely. He opens the box and finds a necklace that almost looks like a dog tag. It’s got his birthstone, Harry’s and all of the kids with their names engraved next to them.

“Harry, this is gorgeous,” Louis says quietly. “Oh, I love this.”

“I hoped you would,” Harry murmurs. “Here, let me put it on for you and see how it looks.”

He picks it up out of the box; putting it around Louis’ neck and watching it fall between his sharp collarbones. “Looks beautiful.”

“I’m sure it does,” Louis whispers. 

“I do have another gift, though.” Harry says, tugging off his t-shirt and turning his back to Louis. Louis sits up straight and sees a sun inked on Harry’s shoulder, their wedding date in script underneath it, with five stars hovering above it with the kids names over each one. 

“Oh, Harry, this is gorgeous. I love it so much,” Louis whispers, tracing his fingers over the fresh ink. “Absolutely stunning.”

“Thought it was nice, you know, shows unity as a family,” Harry says, peaking over his shoulder at Louis. 

“Yeah, it’s beautiful,” Louis says, kissing over the sun gently. “Happy anniversary.”  
~  
_“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has it’s own reasons for existing” –Albert Einstein_

“Do you remember at one point you were totally obsessed with boobs? Like I was convinced you were going to get implants or something,” Harry says one night, laughing into Louis’ neck.

“I was so curious about them,” Louis giggles. “Remember the threesome with Perrie just to see what it would be like?”

“I nearly forgot about that,” Harry says. “Strange night.”

“Nice tits, though. Soft,” Louis shrugs.

“You’re crazy,” Harry laughs. 

“The vagina thing freaked me out, but boobs are fun,” Louis laughs. “Squishy and soft.”

“That threesome with Liam was better,” Harry shrugs.

“Oh, that was good. God, that was forever ago. Do you think we’d ever do something like that again?” Louis asks, playing with Harry’s curls.

“I dunno. I would do whatever you wanted to do, honestly. For me it’s just knowing you’re happy,” Harry says.

“Thanks,” Louis blushes slightly. “Good to know.”  
~  
“Dad? Are you and Pop good again?” Lucas asks Louis on the way to school, his first day. “I saw you kiss this morning. I haven’t seen you kiss at all.”

“We’re not…good yet. But we’re a lot better now. Maybe by Christmas Pop and I will be together again,” Louis says.

“As long as you two aren’t fighting anymore and you’re still in love, that’s all that matter,” Lucas says.

“Yeah, we still love each other very much,” Louis says softly, looking at his wedding ring. “We’re always going to.”  
~  
_“The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing”- Walt Disney_

“Can you believe Joshua is going to be two in a few weeks?” Louis asks in awe over dessert on the first date night of September. 

“No, I really can’t,” Harry says. “But let’s not talk about the kids right now, okay? This is about us. We talk about them a lot and I want to talk about you.”

Harry reaches over the table, grabbing Louis’ hand and feeding him a bite of chocolate cheesecake. Louis smiles at him, letting himself be fed and swallowing.

“You know it all.”

“Maybe, but you’re my favorite topic,” Harry says, taking a bite for himself. Louis smiles, his heart light in his chest. 

“I’ve gotten quite boring though, no?” Louis asks.

“Never,” Harry murmurs softly. “You’ve got this lightening personality, you make everyone so happy. You of all people will never be boring. Me, on the other hand, I can be quite boring.”

“Maybe,” Louis smirks. “Sometimes your stories drag on.”

“You love my stories though.”

“I’d listen to them until I croaked.” 

“Stop,” Harry says. “Don’t want to talk about that. Never want to lose you.”

_Louis’ heart beat was dropping rapidly while Harry’s was speeding up. Louis’ pregnancy with their third child was hard from the start with frequent trips to the doctor and they weren’t sure he would even carry full term. He did, though, he made it all the way to the nine-month mark, but there were so many complications when his water broke._

_Harry looked around the room, three nurses and two doctors rushing around the room, machines beeping all over, and Louis, Louis crying in agony, gripping Harry’s hand like a lifeline. Harry bends over and kisses Louis’ tear-stained face, murmuring comforting words to his husband, wishing and praying those words would make it all better._

_“If…” Louis sniffs. “If it comes down to me or the baby, pick her, Haz. Couldn’t live with myself.”_

_“Stop it!” Harry yells, squeezing his hand tighter. “It’s not going to come down to that, Louis. I am not going to lose you, do you understand me? You’re not going to leave me; you’re not going anywhere. You’re going to be fine and so is our baby, okay? You’re a fighter, and so is she. Don’t talk like that, ever.”_

_“Harry,” Louis sobs brokenly, stroking his belly with a gentle hand. “I’m so scared.”_

_“I know, Lou, I know. But we’re going to get through this one way or another,” Harry promises, and he somehow seems firm, like he’s sure of the outcome. Louis nods wordlessly, his eyes closing. Harry can tell he’s in so much pain and his body can’t handle it, can’t handle the complications. His movements on his stomach are slow, his breathing is long and labored, and Harry feels like his knees are going to give out._

_But at the end of it, Louis was sitting up in bed, holding their new baby girl with a gentle smile on his lips, and everything felt okay again._

Harry shudders every time he thinks about it, how close he came to losing Louis. He tries to put it at the back of his mind, mostly. 

“Y’alright, H?” Louis asks, taking another small bite from the cheesecake. Harry nods his head distractedly. 

“Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking, nothing important. I’m here,” he smiles softly. 

“I want you to be here,” Louis grins. “I like having you around.”

“Yeah? You still do?” Harry asks hesitantly.

“Can’t live without you,” Louis murmurs earnestly. “I don’t…I don’t think I ever could have gone through with the divorce, if I’m honest. I just don’t think I could stand to not be married to you anymore, to know you weren’t mine anymore. I just hoped that it would all work out and I wouldn’t have to face that option.”

“No, never, Louis. I’m always yours,” Harry says softly. “Let’s head home, okay?”

“Yeah,” Louis breathes. “Home.”

They ride home in comfortable silence with their hands intertwined between the two of them. Harry keeps looking over and stealing glances, smiling softly and squeezing his hand.

When they get back to their empty house Louis holds his hand and gives him a gentle smile, biting his lip. 

“Do you want to go upstairs?” Louis asks softly. Harry leans down to kiss him once, slow and soft.

“Have I ever said no?”

Louis leads him upstairs and brings them to their bedroom and sits them both on the bed. Louis kisses him softly and smiles.

“Remember our first time?” Louis whispers into the silence.

“I’ll never forget it,” Harry whispers back. “One of the most amazing days of my life. We were always so good together.”

“Definitely,” Louis grins. “We’ve done it all together, I think. I don’t think there’s anything we haven’t tried.”

“Yeah, I think you’re probably right.”

“Does that…make you sad? They we sort of ran out of new things to try?” Louis asks quietly.

“Never. Every time is like the first with you, baby. It’s always going to feel that way for me, no matter what it is. You’re my everything and yeah, trying new things was fun, but now I know everything about you. No one else can say that, Lou. I know exactly what you like and don’t like, what makes you shiver and what makes you cringe. I love knowing all that and being so close to you. We’ve done it all together and nothing is going to change that.”

“Harry,” Louis breathes, launching himself into his lap and kissing him hard. “I love you, I love you.”

“God, baby, I love you so much,” Harry says against his lips. “Oh, I love you.”

Louis hasn’t said it yet, and now here it was, said and done and his chest feels so much lighter. Harry pushes him onto his back and kisses him, their tongues tangling in all different ways. Louis unbuttons Harry’s shirt, pushing it off his shoulders and biting down on Harry’s bottom lip. Harry does the same to Louis, and their naked within minutes.

“Harry,” Louis sighs, carding his hands through Harry’s curls.

“I’ve got you,” Harry promises, kissing down his neck. “I’ve always got you.”

Harry sucks one of Louis’ nipples into his mouth, nibbling on it gently and pulling out a long moan from Louis. He’s always had sensitive nipples, but with each pregnancy they got even worse and Harry adores it. 

He kisses down Louis’ torso and Louis’ got his legs spread wide already, his cock lying red and strained against his belly. Harry kisses the tip softly, swallowing the blurb of precome. He kisses over the small tattoo on the inside of Louis’ thigh; the little drunken mistake he made that makes Harry’s heart flutter. It’s there forever, no matter what happens. 

He licks Louis’ perineum, pressing his tongue hard enough to make Louis shiver at the slight pressure on his prostate from the outside. They’ve messed around a lot with that, between external prostate stimulation and prostate milking and everything else, which always gave Louis the most intense orgasms. 

Louis’ whimpers pull Harry out of all of his thoughts. All he can think of is Louis, his Louis. He can feel his thighs shaking beneath his hands and he knows Louis’ impending orgasm is coming quicker than he wants it to. It’s been so, so long for him, and Harry is sure that he can barely hold himself together. 

“You’re so good, baby. Always so good for me,” Harry murmurs into his skin, licking into him quickly. 

“Ah,” Louis whines, throwing his head back. “Oh, oh, oh.”

Harry’s movements are slow and sure, wet and a bit sloppy, which is Louis’ favorite way. Harry takes his cock in his hand, pumping him slowly, nuzzling his face against Louis’ balls. His thumb presses into Louis’ slit and he revels in the moans he’s pulling from his husband. It’s been so long, nearly two years, since he’s gotten to do this, since he’s gotten Louis to fall apart like this. 

“I love you so much, Louis. Love you so much,” Harry whispers, sucking right between his hole and cock.

“Oh, shit,” Louis breathes, squeezing his eyes shut. “Oh, god.”

Harry strokes him through his orgasm, milking it out of him and licking his hole all the way through. Louis is shuddering and crying, his hands fisting the sheets below him. Harry kisses up his stomach, licking off his come and Louis fits a hand in his hair.

“Harry,” Louis swallows. “I can’t…do this. Not right now. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

“Okay,” Harry says slowly. “That’s okay, I get it. Do you want me to sleep in the spare bedroom tonight instead?”

“Yes, please,” Louis whispers, looking down and hugging his naked chest. He suddenly feels too exposed, too naked and bare. He feels insecure and unnerved. He needs to be alone and figure out what the hell is wrong with him. 

“Okay. I’ll see you in the morning, okay? I love you,” Harry says softly, kissing his forehead. “Goodnight.”

“Night,” Louis mutters, covering himself with the sheets. Harry gets up and throws on his clothes, leaving the room softly. Louis curls into bed and sniffs, trying not to cry. It’s too much to handle for one night. He knows Harry’s been trying nonstop and he’s been absolutely great, but Louis doesn’t want that to change once he’s forgiven. He’s afraid Harry’s only doing this so Louis won’t divorce him. He’s afraid that Harry will go right back to his old ways if Louis gives in, and it scares him down to his very core. Trusting Harry used to be so simple and came naturally. Louis never questioned it until now. But now, after everything that’s happened, trust seems like the hardest thing in the world. 

The next morning when Louis walks into the bathroom, he sees there’s toothpaste in the sink and soap on the shower floor. His eyebrows furrow but when he looks closer, there’s words written. Inside the sink, in blue and white toothpaste, it’s right there.

_please don’t leave me_

And in the shower, in green shower gel, it’s there, too.

_please don’t leave me_

Louis’ chest aches. He shakes the weight off of his shoulder and goes to the bathroom, then heads down to the kitchen. Harry is standing by the counter, scrambling eggs in a bowl.

“Good morning,” Harry says carefully, looking up. He looks so tired and defeated it’s almost heartbreaking. 

“Morning,” Louis says quietly, heading to the fridge to grab the cartoon of milk to pour into his tea. He sees it again, scrawled in small handwriting with a black sharpie. 

_please don’t leave me_

“Harry,” Louis says suddenly, putting the milk on the counter. “Look at me, please.”

Harry looks up, his eyes wide. He stops mixing the eggs and turns his full attention to his husband. 

“I’m…I’m not going to leave you, okay? I know I said I thought about it, and I know last night was…well, you were there, you know how it was, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to leave you. I was just overwhelmed and worried, but I’m not going to leave you, ever. Do you understand me?” Louis says, his voice raw and firm.

“Yeah,” Harry nods, looking down at the floor. “I’ve fucked up so much. I just got really nervous when you didn’t want to continue. I didn’t know if I did something wrong or you regretted giving me a second chance or what was going on. You were impossible to read last night and I used to be able to look at you and just know what you were thinking, like I could read your mind. I don’t want to lose you, Louis. I can’t lose you.”

“I know, honey, I know,” Louis says softly. “I can’t lose you, either. We’ll…we’ll get through this. I just need a little more time, okay?” 

“No, of course. You need to take your time, I just worry,” Harry shrugs sadly.

“I just need to know that when this year is over, things aren’t going to go back to the way they were. I need to know that you’re doing this for the long run and you aren’t going to run off again,” Louis says, playing with his fingers.

“No, Louis, I swear I’m not going to change. This is how I am, you know that, it was just rough for me. I’m going show you, you just have to have faith in me, okay? I promise it’s going to be so much better,” Harry says, his eyes glistening with tears.

“I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt, I am, but I worry. You can’t really blame me.”

“No, I can’t, I understand that, I just want you to know I’m never going to do what I did again. I love you so much, Louis, and I’m never going to stop,” Harry says. He can’t stop the few tears that escape. “I just want you to trust me.”

“I’m trying,” Louis sniffs. “But I’m not leaving, okay? I won’t.”

“Okay,” Harry nods, pulling Louis into a tight hug.  
~  
_“While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about”- Angela Schwindt_

“I was thinking,” Sophia says, walking into Lucas’ bedroom and plopping down on the bed. “We should plan a night out for Dad and Pop. Like, bring back old memories for them.”

“You just thought of this now? It’s November,” Lucas says dryly. 

“I know but now they aren’t fighting. They seem a lot better but I think they need one extra push for Dad to be totally sure. Maybe we can talk to Pop and have him plan it out with us and he can surprise Dad? He would love it!” Sophia beams.

“I actually think you might be right for once. We should talk to Pop though and find out.”

“Maybe we can recreate their first date!” Sophia exclaims. “Dad would love that!”

“It was at a pancake house, right?” Lucas asks. “We could definitely make it happen.”

“Yeah! Dad couldn’t say no to that,” says Sophia. 

“When Pop gets back from work we can talk to him,” Lucas says. “Now get out of my room, I’m busy.”

She sticks her tongue out at him and walks out of the room. Lucas sighs and thinks about the perfect way to get his parents back together properly. He feels like he’s been the adult around here lately, with his dad never being around and his other dad struggling not to cry and scream at the drop of a hat. He wants his family to be fixed again. He wants them to be unbreakable, like they used to be.  
~  
_“Sex is always about emotions. Good sex is about free emotions; bad sex is about blocked emotions”- Deepak Chopra_

_”Good job, Gabby! Pass the ball!” Louis encourages from the sideline, his whistle around his neck. He’s been her football coach for two years now and all the kids love him. He was Lucas’s coach when he was younger, but Sophia always hated the sport. He was glad when Gabriella ran over to him in Toys R Us with a football in here hands and puppy dog eyes. Coaching gave him something to do in his free time and he got to spend more time with his daughter._

_He was almost nine months pregnant with another baby boy, which he told Harry would be their last one. He was an accident, and Louis was thrilled, but five kids were enough._

_Harry wasn’t here this time, which Gabriella stomped and pouted about when he got ready for work. He was always so busy and she missed him so much. But Harry had to go in to perform an emergency surgery on a patient, and promised her next weekend he would come. Louis was upset about it, too, but he wasn’t going to argue with Harry any further about the matter._

_“She’s doing well. She might be better than her dad,” Liam says, coming up next to Louis. Louis rolls his eyes fondly and smiles._

_“She is good, yeah. She loves it,” he says, putting a hand underneath his belly. “She’s just upset Harry isn’t here.”_

_“Work again?”_

_“Surgery,” Louis sighs. “They never see him anymore. And it’s not like he can just stop saving lives to be with us. He does what he has to do.”_

_“I just thought he’d be around more, is all,” Liam shrugs._

_“Yeah, well, me too,” Louis sighs. “Nothing we can do now, though, unfortunately.”_

_They stand in a comfortable silence for a while, only cheering on the team. It hits Louis suddenly when he feels a contraction and reaches for Liam’s hand, squeezing it hard. Liam looks down immediately, his eyes wide and concerned._

_“Lou? Lou? Is it the baby?” he asks._

_“Labor,” Louis wheezes, squeezing his eyes shut. “Coming now.”_

_“Okay, I’m going to drive you to the hospital and call Harry on the way, alright? Zayn will stay here with the kids and bring them after the game,” Liam says calmly._

_“Okay,” Louis nods frantically. “m’water just broke, Li.”_

_“Better here than in my car,” Liam says and Louis glares at him. “Sorry, sorry, hospital.”_

_Liam helps him over to Zayn, explaining quickly that Louis is in labor. Zayn tells them to go and he’ll take the kids over whenever he wants, giving Liam a quick kiss and shooing them off._

_“Fuck, I am never doing this again,” Louis breathes when they’re on their way, rubbing his stomach with one hand and gripping the door handle with the other, already sweating._

_“Said that last time,” Liam notes._

_“Wasn’t fucking my fault,” Louis growls. “I swear I’ll pee in this car if you don’t drive faster.”_

_“Alright, alright, I’m sorry,” Liam says. Louis dials Harry’s number and of course he doesn’t answer, because he keeps his phone off during surgery, obviously._

_“Phone is still off,” Louis says, breathing deeply. “Good fucking thing he works there.”_

_“Just a few more minutes and once we get you settled in we can have him paged,” Liam says soothingly._

_“He isn’t going to miss this birth because this is the last god damn one I’m having. This is it,” Louis snaps._

_Louis is brought into a private room quickly, and they page Harry, but he doesn’t show. Louis uses Liam instead, clutching his hand and screaming in pain._

_Harry doesn’t show up until almost two hours later, walking over to Louis and taking his hand. He kisses his sweaty forehead quickly._

_“Hey, I’m sorry I’m late. It took longer than it was supposed to, I would have been here. You’re two weeks early, though,” Harry says._

_“Don’t want to talk about it right now,” Louis grumbles. “There’s a baby trying to make its way out of me.”_

_“You’re going to do great as always,” Harry says, kissing him again._

_They never talked about it, never talked about how upset Louis was that Harry wasn’t by his side right away. Maybe it was selfish, but for the last four, he was always there coaching him on. Everything was just different now.  
_

“Where are you taking me?” Louis asks, sitting in the passenger seat of their Range Rover. The thing is a gas-guzzler, but Harry took pride in driving his kids in it. He thought he looked cool in it, and Louis didn’t want to burst his bubble.

“It’s a surprise,” Harry says, reaching over the middle console to take Louis’ hand. He kisses the back of it and flashes a grin at him. “You’ll love it, I promise.”

“As long as we eventually get food. I’m starving,” Louis whines.

“There will be food eventually, yes. I’m not going to starve you to death,” Harry says.

“You better not,” Louis grumbles. 

“Never. You’re so impatient, Lou. I thought having kids would change that, but it’s just as bad as the day we met.”

“Surprises are difficult for me!” Louis defends. “They make me anxious.”

“Well, we’re here, so no need,” Harry says, turning into the lot of a pancake house: the same pancake house they had their first date, Louis quickly notices.

“Oh,” Louis whispers. “Harry.”

“Surprise,” Harry says softly. “The kids helped me think of how to win your heart, and they said the night we met, but we were both more than a little drunk and twenty years younger in that sleazy club. I figured we could skip to the good part.”

“I love it,” Louis says, leaning over to kiss him softly. 

They walk inside with linked hands between them, and Harry asks for the booth in the corner by the window: the same booth they had all those years ago. Louis wants to coo at him for remembering that miniscule detail. 

When they’re seated, Harry takes hold of both of Louis’ hands, grinning madly at him. Louis flushes lightly and smiles back, giving his hands a squeeze. 

“Hey, love,” he says softly. 

“Hey, babe,” Harry says back, his dimples deep. Before they can get any further than that, a bored, young waitress comes over, chewing gum obnoxiously. Well, Louis thinks, that’s not much way to make good tips.

“What can I get you?” she asks, and even through her rude tone, Harry’s polite smile never falters. 

“Two cups of tea, please, and I’ll have the banana nut pancakes with a side of bacon, and he’ll have apple pancakes with a side of fresh fruit, thanks,” Harry orders easily. Louis is gaping at him, shocked that he remembers the exact order from their first date. She walks off and Harry looks back to Louis, smiling still. 

“You remembered all that,” Louis states.

“Course. Best first date I ever had, actually. I remember the day really well. I remember waking up to you drooling on my chest, your hair in fourteen different directions, and god-awful morning breath. And then I sneezed, and you jumped awake like my snot could kill you instantly. Before you even said anything meaningful, you pulled me into this kiss that tasted like a dead animal and grumbled about being hungry enough to eat my cock. I had to explain to you that would stop us from ever having sex again and you rolled your eyes, calling it ‘technicalities’ and got up to go to the bathroom, your pretty bare ass jiggling with each stride.”

“Harry,” Louis grins so large he thinks his face might break. “God, I can’t believe you. Always a sap.”

“I know you have some very fond memories as well, my dear,” Harry smirks. 

“That’s true, yes, I’m just impressed. I didn’t think all that little detail mattered,” Louis says quietly.

“It all matters. All of those little details were what made me fall in love with you. Even your foul morning breath and the way you left my chest sticky and slimy with drool our first night together. We just started off so comfortable with each other right off the bat, and I knew that was rare and it had to be special,” Harry shrugs. 

“Hey, you weren’t perfect either. I remember waking up with your hair in my mouth and your long body taking up most of our bed,” Louis pouts. “And don’t even get me started on your horrendous snoring.”

“And you still married me,” Harry says quite seriously.

“I did,” Louis says carefully, afraid to break the moment. “You asked me so nicely I couldn’t say no.”

“Because you loved me,” Harry replies.

“Love,” Louis corrects. “Because I love you. I didn’t stop.”

Harry just smiles in return, and he looks younger, more relaxed. He’s aged a bit, his hair greying delicately at the temples and faint wrinkles gathering by his eyes, but he’s still got that glow about him, that serene and calm look that makes Louis melt, and that shine in his eyes hasn’t left. 

“Do you remember how hard we laughed on our first date? Nothing was even very funny, but the old couple beside us kept giving us these dirty looks,” Harry chuckles at the memory.

“You were telling me awful jokes, H!” Louis giggles. “They were so bad that I couldn’t help laughing. Your jokes haven’t improved much, though, I’ll admit.”

“Hey,” Harry pouts. “Jake and Joshua find them funny.”

“Joshua laughs at everything, you know that. He laughs when I vacuum,” Louis rolls his eyes fondly. 

“He’s always cute when he laughs though,” Harry smiles. “I remember Jake being so serious when he was Josh’s age. I couldn’t get him to laugh ever.”

“He just didn’t find you funny, because he always laughed with me,” Louis grins. “Loves his daddy lots.” 

“More than his Papa, I see,” Harry pouts. 

“He loves you now, though,” Louis shrugs. “He’s obsessed with his Superman dad. He’s always telling his friends that his dad is Superman, you know. He takes a lot of pride in it.”

“Does he?” Harry grins hugely. 

“Yeah, he still does even through all this,” Louis says. “Even though you were never around.”

It gets quiet for a long moment, but neither of them get to say anything before the food is being presented in front of them. They eat quietly, but Harry keeps Louis’ hand in his as a constant reminder. 

“How are your pancakes?” Harry finally asks, stroking his thumb across Louis’ knuckles.

“Just as good as they were twenty years ago,” Louis says. “Thank you for this, by the way. I’m having a good time.”

“I know it isn’t much,” Harry says sheepishly. “But I just wanted you to know I remember everything, all these little memories we made together. I remember Lucas calling you Lou for the longest time because he always heard me saying it, and I remember Sophia not being able to sleep unless you sung to her, and I remember you craving avocados smothered in nutella while you were pregnant with Gabriella. I know we’ve gone through so much and I wouldn’t take back anything except for what I did wrong. I messed up so badly, but I’m here now. I’m always going to be here and I’m going to take care of you and our family forever,” Harry says, his voice shaky. 

“Harry,” Louis breathes. “Let’s not talk about that. I don’t want it hanging over our heads for the rest of our lives. I just want to look at our future, okay?”

“Yeah, alright, alright, sorry,” Harry says.

“I like that you remember all of that, though,” Louis smiles fondly. 

“It’s all important to me.”

After their breakfast for dinner, Harry leads Louis to the car and kisses him softly when they sit inside. Louis puts a hand on his thigh and smiles at him.

“I really did have a nice time. I’m glad we did this,” Louis says softly.

“Yeah, me too, babe. I thought we could go back to the house and just relax a bit, since the kids aren’t around,” Harry suggests, his voice low.

“Yeah, yeah, that sounds nice,” Louis answers, his voice a bit strained. He wants Harry all to himself in every way. “Home.”

The drive is quiet but it’s comfortable again, the way it used to be before everything happened. It’s one of the reasons Louis married him; the fact that they could sit in silence and let it be comfortable, that no one had to speak, that’s how he knew Harry was a keeper. 

Louis drops the house keys into the key bowl, while Harry does the same with his car keys. Louis presses Harry against the door, looking up at him with big eyes, his hands on his chest. Harry looks down at him, afraid to breathe and ruin everything. 

“I want you,” Louis breathes hotly into his ear, kissing his neck once and looking at him again. Harry nods vigorously a few times and allows Louis to take his hand and lead him up to their bedroom. 

Harry can feel his heart hammering in his chest, his nerves set on fire, his brain shorting out on all coherent thoughts. He just wants Louis, wants to smell him and kiss him and fuck him and cuddle him and touch him and _love_ him the proper way. He deserves all the love in the world, and Harry couldn’t do his job, the job he was put on Earth to do, the job that he promised his husband he would do forever the day they said I Do. 

“C’mere,” Harry murmurs softly, pulling Louis’ hips towards him, leaning down and kissing him softly, waiting for Louis to wrap his arms around his neck. He does after a moment of hesitation, pulling him down and kissing him, kissing him the way they used to kiss: with love and passion and a sense of belonging to one another. 

“H,” Louis mumbles into his mouth, the cute nickname he stopped calling him for so long. It was always his full name when he needed him, now he’s back to this. On their second date, Louis had complained that Harry had no good potential nicknames, and then he started to call him Haz and H randomly. Harry would never ask him to stop. 

“I’m here, I’m here,” Harry says softly, pulling apart and holding Louis’ face in his hands, stroking his cheeks. “I love you so much. I love you, I love you, never forget that.”

“I know,” Louis says quietly again his lips. “I know you do.”

“So much,” Harry chokes out, falling back onto their bed and pulling Louis with him.

“I know,” Louis says again, straddling his hips and kissing him. “I know.”

“Louis,” Harry says, circling his waist. “I never want anyone but you ever again.”

Louis pauses for a moment, his hands working on Harry’s buttons. He looks down at him and closes his eyes for a moment. Harry can see him shaking slightly. He wraps his fingers around Louis’ wrists, rubbing the bones jutting out.

“I know,” Louis finally says. “Never.”

“I love you,” Harry says softly.

“I know you do,” Louis says back.

“I don’t want you to forget. I didn’t say it enough before. I’m saying it now. I want you to know.”

“I know you do,” Louis says again, kissing him gently. “I love you, too.”

Harry feels like his heart stops for a moment, like a weight has been lifted from his chest. He misses hearing that, those three words that he thought he’d never get to hear. He pulls him down into a long kiss, never wanting to let him go again. 

Louis goes back to unbuttoning his shirt, kissing down his neck and leaving small bite marks. Harry helps him get it off his shoulders, watching Louis toss it somewhere across the dark room. The curtains are pulled back just enough for the moon to peek through, and Louis looks so gorgeous in the dim light. 

He pulls off Louis’ shirt, tracing his hipbones and around his bellybutton. He keeps it soft, just enough to raise goose bumps on his skin. Louis shivers slightly under the touch, his adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. 

“You’re so beautiful. You’ve always been so beautiful, every single day,” Harry says lowly. 

“Even when I was pregnant and fat?” Louis asks, his eyelashes casting shadows on his cheekbones.

“Especially then. We’ve talked about this,” Harry murmurs, kissing the inside of his palm. “You looked stunning then, and you look stunning now.”

“You still look alright yourself, Styles,” Louis retorts, but his voice is slightly shaking, the way it gets when he’s worked up and hot for it.

“I try,” Harry murmurs. “What do you want, babe?” 

“You,” Louis nearly whines. “I just want you.”

“I want you too, baby,” Harry says. “I’ve always wanted you. I always will.”

Louis nods a little, moving his shaky hands down to unbutton his jeans. Harry moves down to help him, and then they’re kissing again. Pants are off and lips are red and wet and chasing after each other. 

“Wanna be on top?” Harry asks, rubbing the small of his back. “Or want me to do it?”

“You, please,” Louis says softly. Harry rolls them over, getting between Louis’ legs. Louis almost always bottoms just because he prefers it, especially after being pregnant so many times. It just fell into place that way, but some days Louis liked to ride him and take some control, and others he just wants Harry to take care of him, just like tonight. 

Harry leans over and grabs the bottle of lube from inside the drawer of their nightstand and Louis latches his mouth onto his collarbone, sure to leave a mark. It’s been so painfully long, and Harry can feel every nerve in his body flaming hot. He’s sure it’s no different for Louis. 

Harry slicks up his fingers, spreading Louis’ legs wider and circling his puckered hole. He gives Louis a look, silently asking permission. Over twenty years, they’ve become experts on speaking with their eyes only. Louis gives him a short nod, leaning his head against the pillow and rolling his shoulders. 

Harry kisses down his throat, pushing his middle finger in slowly, feeling the resistance pushing against it. Louis’ face scrunches up slightly, his nose wrinkling. 

“How long has it been?” Harry whispers into the night, his voice falling heavy.

“Long,” Louis whispers back. “Very long.”

“Did you ever…do it alone?” 

“Felt too pathetic,” Louis answers after a beat. “I couldn’t do it.”

“I’m here now, though, okay? Never feel pathetic. I love you, I love you, I love you,” Harry says, kissing him hard and hoping he can send the message. Louis falls into it easily, accepting the second finger he receives, his hands carding through Harry’s curls, willing them to stop trembling. 

It’s quiet then, only the sounds of their breathing in the room. Harry’s got three fingers working into his husband gently, opening him up like he’s a virgin. Louis is mewling quietly, allowing Harry to kiss over his flushed skin, his hands forming occasional fists in his hair when Harry brushes over that spot buried inside of him. 

“Haz,” Louis whispers, his breathing erratic and short already. “’m ready now.”

“Yeah?” Harry says softly, kissing over his collarbone. “Okay.”

“Condom,” Louis says quickly, his eyes wider now. It’s his only moment of clarity since they’ve started.

“Right, right,” Harry says softly, kissing his cheek and moving to the nightstand to grab one. Louis watches him as he rolls the condom onto his hard cock, the way Harry’s eyebrows furrow in concentration, his bottom lip between his teeth suppressing a groan at the friction. Louis somehow feels a bit lighter. He was putting this off for so long, far too nervous to go through with it, but now it feels right. This is a big part of their relationship, always has been, and it kept them feeling young and in love. Once two people stop feeling that sexual attraction with their partner, it doesn’t go well. But he knows Harry’s still into him and still wants him, and Louis feels the same. 

“Harry,” Louis says softly, his hand reaching out for Harry. Harry looks down at him, a quiet smile on his lips. He looks lighter, too, just as Louis feels, and he knows this is right, this is what’s been missing. Once they get past this, once they have this intimacy again, Louis knows things will be so much better. This is the last step of their process, he thinks. Once they can do this, they'll be LouisandHarry again, just like they used to be, as if they were one person rather than two.

"I want you, Harry," Louis breathes, closing his eyes for a second before looking up at his husband. Harry leans down, kissing him with all the love he's got.

And then it's a foil being ripped, a condom being rolled on, legs being spread and an exchange of 'I love you' and Harry pressing into Louis gently, softly, carefully. Louis grips his biceps, sucking in a long breath as Harry breaches him. 

"Fuck," Harry groans deeply into Louis' nexk. "God, you're so tight. Oh, shit."

"Yeah?" Louis pants, digging his nails into Harry's skin. "Good?"

"Incredible, amazing, beautiful," Harry mumbles, kissing down his neck. "Fuck, not gonna last long."

He slides in slowly, giving Louis the time he needs to adjust. He takes it slow and easy, slow enough that he doesn't come right then and there. It's so good, and Harry has been taking it for granted. He doesn't deserve anything this good, and Louis is absolutely wonderful.

"I love you so much," Harry groans into Louis neck, feeling like he has to keep saying it, keep reminding him.

"Love you, too," Louis breathes, and he sounds so sincere, he's always so sincere. Harry always can hear in his voice how in love Louis is with him, and Harry is an idkot for every letting such a beautiful thing shatter in his own hands.  
"Never want to let you go. Love how you smell, how soft your skin is, the goosebumps I give you," Harry mumbles, the words tumbling out practically on their own. "I feel so warm when I'm with you, and I know that's stupid, but, fuck, shit."

"God," Louis chokes out. "Oh, baby, please."

"I've got you, babe," Harry promises, nipping at his neck. He wraps his hand around Louis' cock. "You close, huh?"

"Yes," Louis pants, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. "Need more, more, please."

Harry listens, always listens to him. He squeezes Louis' cock, stroking him and thrusts deeply into him. He brushes his prostate with every snap of his hips, causing Louis to shudder. Harry can feel him tightening around his cock, his breathing harder and shorter; all signs Louis was right on the edge of his orgasm and Harry wanted to make it good.

He leans down to kiss him, twisting their tongues around one another. He takes his hand off of Louis' cock and brings it to one of his nipples, rolling it between his fingers. Louis mewls into his mouth, shaking under his touch. Harry knows how Louis falls apart when it comes to his nipples, and he knows how intense his orgasms are when he comes untouched.

"C'mon, sweetheart," Harry says lowly. "Know you can come for me."

“Oh,” Louis croaks, his jaw slack. “Oh, god, I’m so close.”

“C’mon, you can do it. Come for me, Louis,” Harry murmurs lowly, leaning down to bite softly at one of Louis’ nipples. Louis feels his orgasm ripping out of him, all the air feeling like it’s been punched from his lungs. His stomach muscles clench harshly, his hole squeezing Harry and he’s crying Harry’s name. Harry comes right then, not able to hold up after all of that, hearing his name screamed brokenly through Louis’ raw throat. 

“Fuck,” Louis sighs, looking up at his husband through clouded eyes. “That…might be one of our best.”

“Yeah?” Harry grins. “I liked it.”

“Stay in for a bit,” Louis asks softly, circling his legs around Harry’s hips. 

“You’re so hot,” Harry groans. “Still so good together, aren’t we?”

“The best,” Louis agrees, intertwining their fingers and putting them on his stomach.

“I love you,” Harry says, blinking down at him. “More than anything. You know that, right?”

“I do,” Louis says softly. “I love you, too, I hope you know. I never stopped and I never will, no matter what happens.”

“I know that now,” Harry sighs, squeezing their hands together. “I really do get it now. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I’m not either. Never,” Louis whispers. “C’mere.”

They kiss slowly and full of love. Harry presses his chest against Louis’, their noses nudging against one another’s. That leads to another two rounds and two exhausted, boneless bodies asleep on sticky sheets. 

Their first time was sloppy and messy and they were both so drunk with hangovers the next morning, but they improved with each time. They learned each other’s bodies and knew them better than their own. They knew exactly what they liked and didn’t like, what to do and not do, and it was like magic every time. It was this magnetic connection between the two of them that was nearly flawless, and they’re working on bringing that back.  
~  
_“I’ll never stop dreaming that one day we can be a real family, together, all of us laughing and talking, loving and understanding, not looking at the past but only to the future” – LaToya Jackson  
_

“What is going on in here?” Louis asks through a yawn, padding into the kitchen on his birthday. He woke up to an empty bed and the sweet smell of pancakes. The empty bed sucked, but Harry’s pancakes are totally worth it.

“Morning, daddy!” Joshua screams happily, resting on Harry’s hip. Harry whispers something in his ear with a fond smile before the toddler is shouting again. “Happy bifthday!”

“Thank you, baby,” Louis grins, taking him out of Harry’s arms to kiss his baby boy.

“Happy birthday, baby,” Harry murmurs, leaning in for a kiss. Louis stands on his tiptoes, licking into his mouth softly before pulling apart.

“Thank you, honey,” Louis smiles, pushing away some of Harry’s messy curls. “Looks delicious.”

“They’re my pancakes,” Harry says flatly. “Of course they’re delicious.”

“You’re right,” Louis’ mouth quirks up. “Forgot.”

“The rest of the kids are wrapping up your gift,” Harry says. “They did it by themselves, actually. They told me not to tell you.”

“You? Keep a secret? Never.”

“Ha ha,” Harry deadpans. “I can take these pancakes away in a heartbeat.”

“Rude,” Louis frowns. “Papa is being mean,” he frowns at Joshua.

“No be mean, Papa!” Joshua scolds, wagging his finger at his father.

“Okay, okay, sorry!” Harry laughs, his dimples showing off in that way that makes Louis weak. Those dimples have always been his favorite. It gives Harry that boyish charm of his.

“Happy birthday!” four voices yell, coming into the kitchen carrying a wrapped present.

“Thank you guys,” Louis smiles fondly. “Is this for me?”

“Duh,” Jake says, exasperated. 

“He has your attitude,” Harry chimes in, flipping the pancakes over. Louis glares at him and sticks his tongue out.

“What do you guys have for me?” Louis asks.

“Sit first,” Sophia says, pulling out a kitchen chair for him. Louis laughs and sits down, scanning the faces of his kids.

“The anticipation is killing me,” he says.

“Okay, go ahead,” Lucas says, putting the box down inside of him. “Open it.”

Louis smiles and tears off the paper and opening up the big white box it comes in. He finds a thick photo album. He gently takes it out of the box and sees a recent family photo of all seven of them when they took a trip to Spain in October. Louis has a feeling he’s going to cry. 

He opens it up and sees it it’s done by year. 2012 is the first one with a picture of Louis and Harry drunk off their asses at a bar together. It’s a timeline, he realizes. There are pictures for every year of his relationship with Harry, and soon there are baby pictures and Halloween costumes and Christmas morning toys and his entire family in one album. It’s beautiful and incredible and represents them so well, it’s amazing. 

“Oh,” Louis tries to hold back a sob. “This is beautiful, guys. I absolutely love it. Papa didn’t help you at all?”

“Well,” Harry says. “I might have put out a box not so secretly with pictures and such. They asked if they could use it for a gift and I said yes.”

It’s not just pictures; it’s sonograms and hospital bracelets and concert tickets. It’s full of his memories; full of memories he was able to build with Harry. It’s amazing when he looks back, how fast the time has gone. 20 years just flew by, right past him, and he wishes he could slow time down a bit. He doesn’t want to turn around and see Joshua is already getting married. He wants him to stay a baby as long as he can.

“This is the best gift I’ve ever gotten,” Louis sniffs, opening up his arms. “C’mere.”

The kids all crowd in and hold Louis tightly, all taking turns to give a kiss. Louis tries to dry his fallen tears quickly so they don’t see it, but Gabriella catches it. She’s so intuitive, just like Harry. They pick up on everything.

“What’s wrong, Daddy?” she asks, sounding concerned.

“Nothing, honey,” Louis smiles, wiping his eyes. “I just love you all so much. They’re happy tears, I promise.”

“Good,” Harry says, standing next to him and putting his arm around his shoulders. He bends down for a kiss to his forehead. “Breakfast is ready.”

“Didn’t you get me a gift?” Louis asks, not meaning to sound rude, but Harry is always buying Louis gifts constantly, even if it’s not his birthday. Harry just grins, though, putting the plate of pancakes on the table. 

“That’s tonight. Don’t’ worry.”

“Gonna make me wait for it?” Louis asks, appalled. 

“Don’t I always?” Harry says lowly, smirking at him. Louis tries to hide his smile and swats him away.

“Watch it, the kids are here,” Louis says quietly, but sneaks a pinch at his husbands butt. 

They spoil Louis rotten, and it’s so nice to be the one pampered for once. He doesn’t have to wash the dishes or do the laundry or vacuum the carpets or make the beds. Everything is taken care of for him, and it’s so nice. 

After dinner, prepared by Harry, they’re all around the Christmas tree with mugs of hot chocolates and a big plate of cookies. It’s so cliché, honestly, and back in uni he would think this was ridiculous, but as he got older and had more kids, this is perfect. He likes having this, these traditions that his kids can pass down if they want. It makes him feel whole. 

“Okay,” Louis says, putting his mug down on the coffee table. “I want to know what this gift is now.”

Harry smiles, his eyes shinning in the twinkle of the Christmas lights. God, Louis’ life is one fat cliché now, and he wouldn’t change a thing. 

A small box is presented in front of Louis in Harry’s palm. “Open it.”

So he does, and he finds a diamond silver band shining bright inside the black velvet box. There’s a small note on the top with three simple words, written in neat cursive writing.

_Marry me again?_

Louis does cry now, letting out a bit of a whimper before throwing himself against Harry, pressing his face into his neck and sobbing out yes after yes. Harry wraps his arms around Louis’ middle, holding him close and nuzzling his nose against his jaw. 

“I love you so much,” Harry murmurs, kissing wherever he can reach. “And I can’t wait to marry you again.”

“Me either,” Louis sniffs. “I love you, too.”

“Forgive me?” Harry asks, holding his breath for the answer.

“Yes, I forgive you. You’re an idiot, but I love you and I’m never going to stop loving you. You and me forever.”

“Good,” Harry breathes deeply, carding his fingers into Louis’ hair and pulling him in for a long kiss. The kids all coo at them, so happy to see their parents working things out. Their family feels complete again, like all those shattered pieces have come together one at a time, and the missing piece was finally found. It’s still fragile, but it’s fixed, and it’s beautiful.  
~  
_“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”- Ghandi_

“I now pronounce you husbands.”

Harry grabs Louis’ hips, pulling him in for a kiss while everyone around them cheers loudly. Lucas is the best man for Louis and Jake is Harry’s, while Joshua is the ring bearer and Sophia and Gabriella are the bridesmaids, just so they all feel included. It’s not a huge reception, not like the first wedding. They went all out for that one, inviting everyone to celebrate their special day with them. But this time was more personal, only with their closest friends and family in the park. It’s a beautiful September day, and it’s beautiful weather. Louis took so much time to plan it out, even if it is small. 

They walk down the aisle hand in hand, smiling brighter than the sun. The kids follow behind, looking equally as happy that their dads are so in love. Everything feels good again.

The reception is under a big tent outside, and Louis and Harry make their rounds to all their guests, Harry’s hand resting comfortably on the small of Louis’ back. They don’t stop smiling the whole time, chatting happily with all their friends and family. 

“This is beautiful, you two. The kids are so big now,” one of Harry’s aunts coos. “I can’t believe how fast they’ve grown up.”

“Us either,” Louis smiles, fitting himself into Harry’s side comfortably. “It happens so fast.”

“They’re such great kids. They’re all so beautiful, you can tell they’re your kids,” she winks.

“Thanks, Aunt Donna,” Harry smiles. 

“If the grooms would please come to the dance floor for their special dance,” the DJ says with a smile, beckoning them over. Harry and Louis smile at each other, walking to the middle of the tent. 

Harry found their wedding song somewhere on YouTube by accident, and it happened to fit them absolutely perfectly. _Never Stop_ by Saftysuit starts playing through the speakers, and Louis smiles fondly up at his husband and Harry puts his hand on his waist and intertwines their fingers together with the other. Louis puts his hand on Harry’s chest, his eyes shining brightly.

“This song is perfect for us,” Louis murmurs. “Fits us to a T, I think.”

“Me, too,” Harry whispers. “Thought it was beautiful.”

“Just like you,” Louis smiles.

“Not as beautiful as you, though,” Harry says fondly, grinning ear to ear. 

“Such a dork,” Louis giggles. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Harry says softly, leaning down to kiss his husband. 

Nothing can tear them apart or bring them down, now. They’ve all been through too much together, and it’s made them stronger. Home is home again.  
__  
I will never stop trying  
I will never stop watching as you leave  
I will never stop losing my breath, every time I see you looking back at me  
I will never stop holding your hand  
I will never stop opening your door  
I will never stop choosing you babe  
I will never get used to you  
  
~  
__  
I am yours  
and I will whisper it  
and shout it  
and write it  
and carve it into my skin  
if only blood  
would tell you  
the truth you need to see.  
I am yours  
and I have never  
been anyone’s before.  
-Tyler Knott Gregson

__


End file.
